Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you from America. I left Jamaica and got married to an American man. I now have my green card. I have a daughter in Jamaica who is 10 years old. I want her to come and live with me, but my husband does not want to have a child in the home unless it is his child. I know I did something wrong by not telling him before we got married that I had a daughter. I was afraid that he would not have married me. He is Jewish and I did not know that he would have taken it so hard. He is 20 years older than me.

I do not know what to do, because the child is living with my mother, and my mother told me that I should take her before she gets older. My husband, who has been married three times, tells me every time I talk about wanting my daughter to come to the US that after we are divorced she can come. I am very comfortable with this man but I am unhappy at the same time knowing that my daughter cannot come and live with me.

Thank you pastor and I am looking for a reply.

M., U.S.A

Dear M.,

What you have done is called deception. You planned to deceive your husband and that is a fact. You might try to excuse yourself by saying that you were afraid that he would not have married you. But now that you have deceived him, he feels that he has good grounds to divorce you. He might feel that you have other things in the closet that he does not know about, and that you might spring them on him at anytime.

The bottom line is he would find it very difficult to trust you. Now, having said the above, let me hasten to say that I do believe that you love your daughter, and I understand that you would want her to be with you. But if your husband insists that he does not want a young child in his house, you might have to continue to support her in Jamaica and hope that his heart would be softened or if he carries out his threat to divorce you, you would be free to sponsor her.

When you applied for permanent status in America, did you disclose to the authorities that you had a daughter in Jamaica? I hope you did. I suggest that you consult an immigration lawyer for advice.

Pastor