Dear Pastor,

Please, can you advise me on a problem I have. I am a UK national and I married to a Jamaican. We have been married for almost four years. My husband has been in the UK for two years now.

My husband was a taxi driver in St Catherine. I know in that line of work, he would have met a lot of women. I started checking his phone about sixmonths ago, even though I know it is wrong.

I now know that my husband has had sexual relations with more than a dozen of these women. Some of whom he is still in contact with, some of them on a daily basis. In some of the messages, the women talk of how they are still in love with my husband and they cannot wait for him to come home on holiday, which he did in December without me.

He has one child in St Catherine, and his babymother is the only one I believe he is not involved with. I have talked to my husband about this. He claims they are just friends and they don't mean anything. But the way I see it, if they mean nothing, why is he keeping the messages.

I do love my husband, but my husband comes from a family where the men are not loyal to their wives/babymothers/girlfriends. That information I learnt late. He was brought up by an older male relative who passed on his skills.

I know these women are in Jamaica, but my husband intends to be back home for good in the next two years with me. I cannot cope with his infidelity. Take all the above away, and my marriage would be perfect.

Please give me your advice.

A.R.,

Dear A.R.,

Please do not forget some people don't let go of past lovers easily. These women who are still in touch with your husband enjoy talking to him, but so does he. To him, they are no challenge to you. That is why he told you they are just good friends. Perhaps you should just accept what he says.

If the both of you are coming back to live in Jamaica and you believe that he will become sexual involved with these women, then both of you need to see a family counsellor long before you make plans to return to Jamaica permanently.

My dear, a man can never really watch a woman. If he attempts to do so, she will beat him to it. Neither does it make sense for a woman to really watch a man, it would not stop him from carrying out his antics. That is why both people have to learn to trust each other. If they have doubts about each other, they should seek professional help.

Pastor

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