Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I must say that it has taught me a lot over the years. I really would like your advice about a matter regarding my sister.

My sister is 17 years my senior and she has been married twice. We are both Jamaicans living in the United Kingdom, but I am studying and she is working. The problem is that she went to Jamaica on vacation and while she was there, she met this guy and they are seeing each other now.

uneducated

I really don't think this guy is suitable for her. She said that I am young, and I have plenty of time to meet the right guy but I don't think she is with the right guy. He is uneducated and the only thing he thinks about is going to dance. He is 43 and has five children with three different women. The thing is, I spoke to him once and he said, "Mi caan wait feh come a England. Mi well want come a England jah know"

That was one of reason I didn't like him. The second reason is once he was hosting his own dance in Jamaica and wanted my sister to send $200,000 Jamaican dollars for him to do his dance. My sister was smart enough to tell him that she does not have that kind of money to send and she thinks he was upset about it.

I think my sister is desperate for a man that she has forgotten that she has a daughter here in the U.K. And her constant travelling to Jamaica has caused her to have more problems with her ex-husband, because they have a child together and she is even considering to get married to this man in Jamaica. She has known him for six months.

I really don't want to be wrong about this guy, but the cards are on the table. He just wants to use her for a visa. He says he loves her, but that is just words and anyone could say that. This guy doesn't have any skills or a degree. And when I asked him what his occupation is, he said that he is a businessman.

Pastor, I fear that he may be linked to thugs that might hurt her. I am very concerned because I think this guy only wants to come to the UK and doesn't intend on settling down with her. She is now going to dance in the ghetto, and she has even asked me how to do daggering as if I know about such acts. I am 18 and I would never engage myself in such behaviour much more a woman who is 35 doing that.

If our parents were to hear of this, it would bring shame to the family. What should I do, pastor? Should I tell my older sister that this guy just wants a visa and he is just using her or should I stay out of it and let her decide for herself?

When her husband divorced her, it was my mother and myself who had to dry the tears from her eyes. I really wouldn't like to do that again or watch her go through what she went through before.

Please give me some advice on what I should do.

Concerned Sister,

Dear Concerned Sister,

Your sister is not going to listen to you. She believes that you are not old enough to make suggestions to her. Therefore, I suggest that you leave her alone. If she wants to make herself a fool, so be it. If this man is wild and is a womaniser, she will have to do more than daggering to keep him.

Pastor