Dear Pastor,

I must commend you on the good job you are doing. All these times I have been reading your column and I never thought I would be writing to you seeking your advice. I am a young woman who is having problems with my boyfriend of almost six years. He is a very nice person, kind, loving and sometimes understanding, and he is the one who took my virginity at 18 years old.

The problem all started a month ago when I told him I was talking to someone else a year ago at the same time. It happened that we slept together only once, and then I broke it off from then, because I knew I was stupid to do that.

I waited a year when I felt it was the right time to tell him all about my affair. I told him everything that happened. I asked him to forgive me, which he did. And he said he still loves me no matter what. He said it is going to be hard to trust me again. I understand that clearly, because I know I have to earn his trust and I know it won't be easy.

A few days ago, he told me he should not have forgiven me for what I did. But, here is the thing, I am not the only one who was being unfaithful. He had been unfaithful around the same time last year. If I didn't confess what I did, he would have kept what he did as a secret. He said he didn't want to hurt me and he said he knew how I would react. that is why he didn't tell me. But, I forgave him for what he did and I want to know why he can't forgive me. Every time we argue, he brings it up. But I just allow him to free his mind and I don't speak, only when he asks a question.

Pastor, I love this guy so much and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without him. What do you think I should do? Or, what do you think we should do in order for our relationship to get better?

Thank you in advance.

S.,

Dear S.,

I suggest that both of you make an appointment to see a family counsellor. Both of you are guilty of cheating. But your boyfriend feels that you have disrespected him by having sex with another man. He is a typical West Indian man who believes that he can go to bed with many women, but his woman at home, or the one he considers to be his main woman, should never become sexually involved with another man.

That is why he mentions what you have done whenever there is an argument between the both of you. Although he claims that he has forgiven you, he believes that you will cheat again. So, please do not believe that he is not watching you and still contemplating whether he should continue to have an intimate relationship with you.

Pastor