Male or female? That's a crucial query, not just when you want to find a public toilet.

When we get news that baby born, or discover that one's expected the question of whether it's male or female is usually the first to occupy our interest. Yeah man, sex and gender it seems, are not only very important components of our human identity; they're also very important factors in determining how the world chooses to relate to us.

Check how we deal wid dem: Once we know it's a boy we start growling playfully and rough-play, buy him a dumper truck or a water gun. And once we know it's a girl we coo at her in a high-pitched voice, buy nuff dolly and pink things, and treat her gently. And when they're big enough, we send the boy to football or karate, and enrol the girl in ballet.

Of course it doesn't always go exactly like that; but you get the point. We do, vigorously impose on children our personal and societal expectations of what girls and boys are supposed to do - even if it means killing their natural inclinations or gifts in certain areas, or suppressing their innate individuality and unique characteristics.

Well, one Toronto couple decided they'll have none of that. They're basically attempting to raise 'genderless' children. Their story, in an article by Jayme Poisson published May 21 in the Toronto Star, has created public rage and set off a deluge of argument.

freedom to choose

According to story, Kathy Witterick and David Stocker are raising their two little boys Jazz and Kio, with the "freedom to choose who they want to be, unconstrained by societal norms about males and females." In other words, if di bwoy dem want to grow dem hair, pierce ears and paint fingernails, or put on a pink frock, they'll not be told 'no son, boys don't do that'. The couple has even gone further with their attempt to shield their children from the imposition of stereotypes and the onslaught of messages about whom and how to be, based on gender.

They have a new baby just over four months, named Storm, and they're not telling whether it's a girl or a boy - at least not for a while. The article quotes the mother as saying "When the baby comes out, even the people who love you the most and know you so intimately, the first question they ask is 'is it a boy or a girl'". And the daddy adds "if you really want to get to know someone, you don't ask what's between their legs". Nuff people think what they're doing is wrong or probably harmful. I don't know. But I know though, that dem have unquestionable moral courage; and I respect that.

Gender is very important. And it's even more important when we talking about violence.

inscribe vengeance

Children grow up in a world where cartoons normalise violence, storybooks and fairytales inscribe vengeance, pop music juxtaposes sex and violence, and mass media sensationalise blood and gore. Boys are especially targeted in how the violence is valorised as heroic and noble. Life's imitating art; and we're now seeing horror stories being enacted in real life. And you don't need to check statistics and cite research to know that, as the violence increases, boys and men are more often perpetrators and women and girls the victims.

Of course, this is not to deny or dismiss real and sometimes overlooked cases where the roles are reversed. We need to continue talking about these things. And whether male or female, we can't respond to violence with silence!

box-mi-back@hotmail.com