Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your column but sometimes I don't agree with you. But I have learnt a lot from you. Keep up the good work.

I am 23 and need to hear your opinion. I have a boyfriend and whenever we are having sex and I keep my eyes closed, he slaps me and tells me to open my eyes. He said girls who close their eyes while having sex are thinking about other guys, or a guy they would like to have sex with.

That is not true of me at all. When I keep my eyes closed, I am concentrating on what I am doing. He is my only man at present. I used to have another man, but we broke up. But sometimes when I go silent, it is because I want him to stop and I have had enough.

My sister told me that when she is having sex she keeps her eyes closed because she is too shy to look at her boyfriend. The only time she has her eyes open is if the room is very dark. What can I do or say to my boyfriend, so that he will believe me?

I.E., St. Ann

Dear I.E.,

You will never be able to convince your boyfriend that you are not thinking about another man while both of you are having sex. When a man is always talking about his woman's former lover, he is either jealous of him or he feels inadequate and is unsure that he is sexually satisfying her.

Your boyfriend is seeking assurance from you, so tell him what he wants to hear. And don't neglect to tell him that you would feel more comfortable if both of you were married. Your whole heart would be in whatever both of you are doing.

Pastor