Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and my boyfriend is 20. He looks much older than his age. I had an older man, but he didn't treat me well. He had other women and he never had money. Any time I asked him for money, he told me a hard up story.

The only time I get good money from him was when I lied and told him that I was pregnant and if I didn't have an abortion, I would lose my job as a security officer. I was not pregnant, but I convinced him that I was. He said he did not want to support another child because he has three, so he gave me $20,000 to do the abortion. That was the first and only time I got that amount of money from him.

We didn't have sex again until two months later, and I told him he had to use the condom because I didn't want him to get me pregnant again. He promised that he wouldn't discharge in me but I told him that was too risky. He really believed that I was pregnant and he didn't pick up that I wanted him to go. Every time he wanted sex, we had an argument. one night after he raped me, I told him that I was finished with him.

The guy I am with is ambitious and he is a Rasta, and he is very clean. When he approached me for friendship and I found out his age, I told him he was too young for me. He kept calling me, until I decided to go out with him, and he started to visit me and we started sleeping together.

My problem is that I would like to get married and he said that he is not going to get married until he is 30. I cannot wait that long because I want to have children and build a family, but I really love this guy.

What should I do? Thanks for your advice.

T.F.,

Dear T.F.,

You wanted money from the older man with whom you had an intimate relationship, so you told him that you were pregnant and wanted money to terminate the pregnancy. Don't try that with the Rastaman. You wouldn't get a cent out of him to do an abortion. And don't believe either that if you were to lie and tell him that you are pregnant, so both of you should get married before the pregnancy begins to show, so to speak, that he will marry you. That wouldn't work either.

You had good reasons for leaving the older man, but you went about it the wrong way. And now this young Rastaman is not ready to be married. Before you became intimate with him, you should have told him that you would like to be married and he probably would have told you his position on that. You didn't. You became his lover and now you are eager to become his wife. He is not interesting in becoming your husband. Therefore, you must decide whether you should continue the relationship with him or both of you part in peace.

You are on your own in making this decision.

Pastor