Dear Pastor,

I hope you can help me. I am writing for some advice. I am asking you please to keep up your good work. I am 35 and the mother of a 10-year-old child. When this child was born, I couldn't find the father. I saw him the week before I went to the hospital to have the baby. Nobody knew where he was while I was in the hospital.

When I left the hospital, a friend came and stayed with me and helped me for two weeks. Still no father, and we didn't have any argument or anything like that. Then, one day, one of his brothers came to visit me. I was glad to see him. I asked him where his brother was. He said he thought I knew that his brother got married about 15 months ago to an American woman and his papers came through and he went away. I was so shocked, I couldn't speak.

He went away and returned later, and called his brother and asked him why he treated me in such a shabby manner. He gave me the phone to talk to him. I was nervous and shaking. He said he didn't know how to tell me, but he will support the baby.

He sends me money when he feels like. But I hate him. For the sake of the child, I am in touch with him. I need the help.

Now I am having a problem because he and his wife are now divorced, and he is asking me to forgive him and marry him. Sometimes I want to say yes, but when I think of what he did I say no.

Please, help me to make the right decision.

A., St. Andrew

Dear A.,

Can this man be trusted? This is the big hurdle you will have to cross. If he is to be judged by his past behaviour, then he can never be trusted. Would he deceive you again? Has he changed? Did he marry the American woman because he loved her, or was it a business marriage?

Are you free or are you presently involved with a man in Jamaica? If you have a man, could you just give him up and he hasn't done you any wrong? Are you sure your child's father is divorced? Have you seen the divorce certificate?

Regardless of how you feel, ask him to come to Jamaica and both of you meet with a marriage counsellor and discuss the issues. Don't say yes or no until you have peace of mind. Don't rush into making a decision.

Pastor