Dear Pastor,

I hope that when these few lines reach you, they may find you in good health. I am having a problem. I am 19 and because of needs I am seeing a big man. I know his wife, but she doesn't know me. I don't see this man every week because he works out of town and his wife goes to where he is every other week.

He likes me. He says he loves me more than he loves his wife because I look good. But his wife is too fat and she wasn't like that when he married her. I told him that I love him more than I love my boyfriend, because my boyfriend is ignorant and I can't reason with him. If we have an argument he is ready to hit me.

My father is sick and my mother can't help me so I have to help myself. I met this man in a supermarket while I was picking up a few things. I asked him if he could pay for them for me and he said 'yes'. He gave me his number and I called him and we became friends.

From the day I met him I told my mother about him. She is glad for the help he is giving me. But I can't let my boyfriend know anything about him. If he and my boyfriend want to see me at the same time, I go to my boyfriend so that he wouldn't suspect that I have another man.

Don't think that I am a bad girl. It is only circumstances that cause me to be this way. If I didn't meet this man, I would be a sex worker like some of my friends.

T.H.,

Dear T.H.,

It seems to me that some of you girls hang out at large supermarkets and shopping centres and target men you believe will pay for the things you need. It is not the first time that I am hearing that girls go to these places, pick up groceries and ask men to pay for them.

The help you are getting from this man comes with a heavy cost, and it will not last forever. You are happy to receive the financial assistance, but you are not getting that for free. You are giving sex in return. Any day you stop going to bed with this man, he is likely to cease being a sugar daddy.

He told you he loves you more than his wife. That is 'man talk.' He could have also said that you are much sweeter too. When a man wants a woman, he tells her what he believes will cause her to love him and stay with him.

I don't believe this man is telling the truth about his wife. So don't get carried away, so to speak, by what he says. Go back to school. Learn a skill, so that you will be able to support yourself. The relationship you are having with this man is not healthy. I know life is tough, but you were able to survive before you met him, and you will survive if you were to leave him now.

Pastor