Dear Pastor,

I am hoping that you will give me some advice. I am 29 and my wife is 24. We got married two years ago and I love her very much. She shows that she loves me. I took her with one child, and I have one before we got married but she is living with her mother. I used to be very wild, but when I met my wife she was in church and I settled down with her.

Now I am having a serious problem. Sometimes for many weeks we cannot have sex, but I can't do without sex. And I found myself spending time with a former girlfriend who does not say no to me at all. Every time I go to her house, she asks me for money after we finish having sex. It is like I am paying her for it.

My wife has a terrible problem. She is bleeding and she has gone to different doctors and the bleeding has not stopped. At times I hear people say on your show that a couple can always do oral sex, but a man cannot do oral sex with a wife who is bleeding.

So, pastor, here I am doing with another woman what I should be doing with my wife, but she is incapable to do. And my conscience is bothering me, but I don't know how to stop. Although sometimes my wife tries to masturbate me, but I still feel the need for intercourse.

Initial withheld by request

Dear...,

I am sorry to hear that your wife is experiencing abnormal vaginal bleeding. You said that she has visited several doctors but the problem continues. I am assuming that she has gone to see her gynaecologist. And he/she has tried to explain to her what might be causing the bleeding. The causes can be many, but the doctor is the best person to assist her.

cheating excuse

You claim that as a result of her condition you have become unfaithful her. Your case is not unusual. Some men indeed become sexually involved with other women because their wives are unable to have sexual intercourse with them for different reasons.

I don't know if you meant to imply that the bleeding does not stop for a long time. I hope that your wife is not experiencing the bleeding constantly.

It is unfortunate that you have renewed the relationship that you have had with an ex-girlfriend. I believe it would have been much better if you and your wife had tried different things to bring sexual satisfaction to both of you. Now that you have chosen to go outside of the marriage, it is bothering your conscience and you are spending money that you could have saved or invested, or given to your wife to take care of herself.

This ex-girlfriend has you over the barrel. She is going to suck every cent she can get out of you. So, although you love sex, end the relationship with this woman and go home to your wife. And allow your wife to explore your body and let her feel that you are not ignoring her because of the problem she is experiencing. Remember that her condition will not last forever.

Pastor