Dear Pastor,

I have a problem and I need your help. I am married and I have two children. I got pregnant with my first child before I was married. But my husband didn't want us to have a child born out of wedlock so we got married three months before the child was born. It was not a cover-up. We only wanted to have a child within wedlock.

Our first child is now 18 and she is pregnant. She is her father's eyeball, and he is so upset by her pregnancy. And what has made him very angry is that the young man who got her pregnant is a careless boy who doesn't have a job and is a ganja smoker. We didn't even know that they were friends.

family secret

I had to beg her father not to put her out. She was rude to him when he was talking to her about the pregnancy. She told him that she is not the first in this family to get pregnant because he got me pregnant before we were married. That got him so angry that, if she didn't run, he would have torn her into pieces. For days she had to stay in her room until he left for work, before she was able to come out.

My husband spoke to the guy who got her pregnant and he said he didn't get her pregnant because he used a condom. And she had other boyfriends so she should find the right father.

For days my husband couldn't eat. He had such big plans for her and to see what has happened and to hear this ganja-smoking careless boy say that she had other men, so she should go and find the right father, made him ill.

My daughter said that he was the only man she had sex with. And it was only once they had sex.

Please tell me what to do.

O.F., St Andrew

Dear O.F.,

Your husband and yourself should take comfort in the fact that you have done your very best for your children. But, in every family, trials and disappointments come in different forms. Sometimes they come by sickness, death, accidents, natural disasters, family feud, loss of jobs etc.

unplanned pregnancy

An unplanned pregnancy in a family can cause much stress and interrupt the smooth running of a family. It is always better to plan for the future, but often things don't go as planned. And I want you to understand that your husband's reaction is normal. Your daughter might not understand that her pregnancy has shocked him. And her rude comments have made matters worse. His expressions show his love for her. She has let him down, so to speak, and the man who impregnated her is not someone he can be proud of.

On the other hand, in years to come, this child might be a great blessing to the family. So, everybody should just rally around your daughter. Forgive her for the mistakes she has made, and counsel her and give her the support she needs.

And your daughter should ask her father to forgive her for the rude comments she made. And she should assure her father that in the future, she will make him proud.

Pastor