I have been reading your column for a long time and I must say that I admire your courage and frankness. I am a pastor like yourself, but I dare not handle some of the topics that you address. My folks will criticise me, and may ask me to resign from the church. Many of us would like to be in your shoes, so keep doing your good work.

Now, I have a problem of my own, and I would crave your opinion. I have been married for over 20 years, but these have not been good years. My wife and I don't get along, and my happiest days are when she is not on the island. She travels a lot. She has no respect for me. She is 46.

Some members of the church see the way she behaves and question me about her, but I try to keep everything down. We don't have sex and we don't sleep together. If she feels like cooking, she will cook, but I can't expect to find dinner when I go home.

During convention time, I can't look to her to do anything, neither can I invite any of the delegates to stay with us, because she wouldn't treat them well.

I am fed up. I am 61 and need to enjoy the few more years I may have to live. I want to divorce her, but my denomination is against divorce. I couldn't say the word divorce and let my bishop hear me. I would be in trouble.

It is for these reasons why I am writing to you. A few years ago, I suggested that we should go for counselling and she told me I needed it, but she was not interested.

Your Brother.

Dear Brother,

I must say that you are a man of patience. According to you, for many years you have been living in misery. However, you have been able to endure some. And some may say that if you have been able to live in such misery for so long, you might as well continue because you are close to your grave now. And what you are thinking about doing now should have been done years ago. To divorce your wife now and divide property and start over will be very costly.

On the other hand, your happiness is important. This woman is not loyal to you and, if you were to become ill, you couldn't rely on her to take care of you. She is not treating you well now. She will do worse as you get older. She doesn't want visitors to come to the house. It is unlikely that she would welcome members of the church to visit you when you are ill.

Your bishops would not want to hear you mention divorce. But he is happily married, and you are not. I suggest, therefore, that you speak to him. Yes, man, tell him that for years you have been unhappy. Ask him to meet with your wife and yourself. Tell him the whole story and ask him for solutions. Put the pressure on him.

Don't be afraid to tell the bishop that she is starving you in every way, from kitchen to the bedroom. Therefore, as your bishop, he should tell you what to do.

Pastor