Dear Pastor,

I need some advice. I am not a Jamaican and I met this Jamaican man through a friend when he came to visit on vacation where I live. We started communicating and on his second visit we hooked up. I recently visited Jamaica for the first time and read your column and when I returned home, I had to continue, so I have been reading it online ever since.

On my trip to Jamaica, this man took really good care of me. He made sure whatever I needed was given at his own expense. I don't have any children. I am single and I am really into him.

routine

I have two problems with him, the distance and he doesn't kiss or perform oral sex. Where I am from, kissing and performing oral sex are routine when making love. I am not sure if I can live without that. We spoke about it and he made it perfectly clear it would never happen. I respect him a lot and respect his wishes. He wants to give our relationship a chance. He is very different from other Jamaican men I have met. He is the quiet type and speaks his mind. I think about him every day, and I am in love with him but I am sacred that the distance won't give us a chance.

Pastor, do you think we have a chance at a relationship?

J.S.,

Dear J.S.,

First of all, let me say I am pleased you have become a regular reader of my column. I am also glad you have fallen in love with a Jamaican man and you think highly of him. You love him and he loves you.

I understand your concerns.

I must say a long-distance relationship can be challenging. Many such relationships have worked. Couples in long-distance relationships should always bear in mind that such a situation will not be forever. It is just a matter of time. If couples could endure the period of time they are separated from each other, when they are finally together they can look back and laugh about the struggles they had while apart .

In these days, when couples can communicate by modern technology, it makes long-distance relationship easier to endure. So, I say to you, use the methods available as you seek to communicate with this man.

Concerning kissing and oral sex, there are certain Jamaican men who claim they do not like to kiss. Such men have pre-conceived ideas about kissing and may need counselling. Some are definitely taught that kissing is wrong, whether it is a loving or passionate kiss.

Concerning oral sex, the practice has become more common in Jamaica. There was a time when people did not speak about it openly. That has now changed. However, some men claim it is dirty and should not be practised. Some do it and will not let anyone know. Some men declare they will never 'bend down' (do oral sex). That is the position your boyfriend has taken. If both of you get married, that would be a challenge0. Both of you have my prayers, but remember I am not here to advocate or condemn what a married couple does in the bedroom.

Pastor

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR AARON DUMAS, PO BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. TELEPHONE 929-1667/8 EMAIL PASTOR@JAMAICASTAR.COM