Dear Pastor,

I need your advice. My husband and I are in our late 20s and we have been married for five years. We do not have any children. We have a big communication problem and most discussions usually end in arguments. He also has trust issues and is very controlling. He wants to know my every move and gets upset if I want to go somewhere without him. I have never cheated on him but he thinks I may.

The main issue I am having is that I am never in the mood for sex. We have no sexual chemistry at all and I am not sure if it was ever there either. Whenever we do have sex, it is because he asks for it. I am never in the mood to initiate it. Frankly speaking, I am never turned on by him. Yet I can watch TV or see a random guy on the street and would like to take him to bed.

My husband is not ugly nor does he have any issues with his manhood. It is just that I have no desire to sleep with him. I have prayed about it and asked God to grant me the desire to do so but, so far, no luck.

We have been to counselling for all our issues but they keep coming back. I really don't know what to do at this point. I love him but I am not sure I am in love with him. Despite his controlling ways, he is a great person but I am wondering if maybe we are not meant to be.

Should I stay and spend the rest of my life being unhappy, or leave and risk giving up an otherwise great guy? Let me make it clear, I am not interested in anyone else. I just fear I may wake up when I am old and regret spending time in this relationship.

Unhappy Wife,

Dear Unhappy Wife,

If you are never in the mood for sex, you are not in love with your husband. It is not unusual for a woman who has recently had a baby to lose interest in sex for a period of time. However, you are never in the mood to have sex with your husband so, therefore, it is a love issue. You are not in love with him, you are only tolerating him.

Your husband feels that because you are not willing to show him love, and to make love to him you might be having sex with another man or men. There is nothing you can do to be in love with this man (although some may say you can pray). There is also nothing he can do to get you to love him. True love is a matter of the heart. If your heart is not in this relationship, it will not work. The desire for him is nil. Too bad.

Pastor