As far as I could determine, this will be about the 45th or 46th time in the last 2000 years or so that the world is supposed to end. If this latest time turns out to be true, many of you won't see this column. Then again, maybe you will because only certain people will be spirited away in the rapture and the rest of you sorry bastards will still be here with me trying to figure out what happened and why we're still here suffering through this stifling summer heat, because it's as hot as hell!

Now, I am not going to be calling anyone crazy or anything like that because I don't know whether or not May 21 is going to be the last day on this earth for many of us, or for all of us. I don't spend my time trying to figure those things out. Maybe that has been the calling of all these people who have managed to come up with this date - May 21, 2011.

If the world ends for all of us, what this obviously means, at least for me, is that I won't be able to see Usain Bolt take on Tyson Gay and Yohan Blake at the end of August. That's going to be a bummer because I was really looking forward to seeing that. I really was. I was also looking forward to Dover on Monday, but I guess that's not going to happen now, is it? And my God, I won't be able to see Barcelona upend Manchester United next week Saturday in the finals of the Champions League. That little Argentinian Messi is something special. Maaan, that sucks!

Here is my question though: since we now know the date, what do we do? It doesn't make sense selling our things - those who feel that we are going to be 'enraptured' - because what do you do with the money? There are no banks in heaven and even if there were, do you really think they'll accept Jamaica's useless currency? Maybe it will be re-valued. After all, it is heaven.

The other thing is: do we even bother to dress for bed on the night of May 20? And on the day itself, how are those leaving us going to depart? Floating up into the sky can be hazardous. First of all, as I said before, the sun is really hot these days. One could end up getting badly sunburnt floating up so close to the sun. The other thing is that with so many aircraft in the sky these days one could become a 'sky kill'. I guess that wouldn't matter, would it?

My other question: is where will people go? Where exactly is heaven? Is it before you get to the sun? Is it past the sun? Is it some mythical place like Asgard or Earth 2, like in the comic books? Where exactly is it?

One thing I do know for certain is that for all those people rushing to churches looking for salvation, I kind of suspect that they would have missed the boat. Registration would have long closed and there is no late-entry fee. And you know what's hilarious, thinking how nervous all those people who used religion as a front to do their wrongs will be just about now. I bet they're now regretting all those sisters who they deflowered in the name of the Lord, or the money they took from those poor people and used to buy expensive cars, and those people they killed in the 'Lord's' name. I guess they're not really looking forward to Saturday.

I know I am. I am curious. I really want to see what happens when doomsday rolls around. I also want to see what happens if there is a Sunday and what holes these people who predicted Saturday to be the world's end will crawl into as their lives, as they know it, will definitely draw to a close.

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