Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I am having a problem. I am pregnant with my fourth child, but my husband makes me very unhappy. We are coming from far. We were in the church together. My husband got one of the church sisters pregnant, so he left the church and she left also. And after she had the baby, she started to attend another church. But I got to find out that she and my husband are still together. People saw them together all the time.

scattering his seed around

My husband got another woman pregnant, so it is two of us right now who are pregnant by him. He does his own business and this girl is working for him. She knows all his business. And it was because of him why she and her boyfriend broke up. People say she tied him. Even when we are at home together, if she calls he gets up and goes to her. No matter how I protest, he says it is his business. Now everybody knows that he got her pregnant and she is proud of it.

I called and asked her why she won't leave my husband alone. She told me that she doesn't want to disrespect me, but I should not call her back.

Depressed Wife

Dear Depressed Wife,

I hope you will never call this young woman again, because calling her will not cause her to end the relationship with your husband. You have to deal with your husband, not the woman. Unfortunately, he is not behaving like an intelligent man. He is behaving as a man who doesn't care and is grossly irresponsible. He doesn't respect you. Although he is married, he is scattering his seed around and causing you to feel depressed and unwanted.

You have not said whether both of you have gone for counselling. If you haven't, you should at least try to show him that the relationship both of you are having is not harmonious, and you are deeply embarrassed by his behaviour and both of you need professional help. I hope he will not say that nothing is wrong with him. I hope he will see the wisdom of going to see a counsellor. Point out to him that he is embarrassing not only you but the children that both of you have together. And the children may grow up to hate him because of the way he has treated you.

Do everything in your power to save your marriage. But remember, you can't force him to change his ways. He has to see that he is wrecking his own life and is heading in the wrong direction.

Pastor