I am 20 and I am living in Manchester. My boyfriend lives in Clarendon. We know each other for five years but we didn't start having sex until I was 18. He is a Seventh-day Adventist and I am a Pentecostal. The first time we had sex it was almost like rape because I was not ready and he was ready. He begged and begged until I gave in. He took my virginity and I cried and cried because it was very painful and I wasn't fully ready. Anyway, we passed that stage and moved on.

I am now in college and he is working. He is a great help to me. We are planning to get married as soon as I graduate, which is next year. But there is one big problem in the way. He wants me to leave my church and join his. He said that if I don't become a Sabbath keeper we can't get married but we can continue to be friends. I don't know what is going to happen because I love my church. And he is not going to church. He said when we get married he will start going to church again.

Sometimes I go and spend weekends with him and we talked about it. I don't want to get baptised a second time. I am his only girlfriend. I know that for sure and I have never cheated on him but he is trying to force me to give up my church. He is not giving up his, why should I give up mine?

P.,

Dear P.,

Young people who become emotionally and sexually involved with each other and are from different churches have often asked me to give them guidance on the matter you have written about. Very often, like you, they are involved but their church affiliation creates barriers. Some do not make that an issue, while others do.

Difficult to walk away

Your boyfriend and yourself get along well. And although he doesn't attend church at present, he believes that when he gets married his wife and himself should worship together in the same church. But he is not prepared to give up his church and to attend your church. And you are not willing to give up yours and to attend his.

Some may say that because he is the man you should follow him. But you know that you will never be happy if you were to do so.

This issue has been compounded because this man took your virginity and both of you have been having sex regularly. Therefore, you feel that there is a deep connection to each other. And it would be very difficult for both of you to walk away from each other.

Although many people scoff at the admonition in the Bible about not being unequally yoked, if this man and you had considered that both of you were unequally yoked, the problem you are now faced with would not have arisen.

It seems to me that your boyfriend is not being fair to you. He should not insist that you should do what he wants you to do, otherwise there would be no marriage. He was willing to force you to have sex with him when you lost your virginity. He has been pleased to have you spend weekends with him, and enjoyed your lollipop, but he is now saying it's either his way or no way at all. He is giving the impression that he is a user.

I can only suggest to both of you that you go and see a counsellor and discuss the matter. Don't ever do what you don't want to do because if you are forced to change your denomination the marriage will not last. You will never be happy attending his church.

Pastor