Dear Pastor,

I am 43 and for many years I am living with a problem. When I was in my teens my brother and I used to fool around and have sex. The first time we had sex together I was 15. He didn't force me. And every time I needed money I would promise him sex and he and I were close. Nobody suspected us. We were living with our grandmother.

When I was 16, I started having sex with my boyfriend, but my brother and I were still having sex. I got pregnant and I didn't know who got me pregnant. But I told my boyfriend that the child was his. But his mother told him that the child didn't look like anybody in their family. My boyfriend supported the child until we broke up.

After the child was born, my brother and I stopped having sex, but he continued to help me in every way. He knows that he is the father of the child. We talked about it, but I have never told my son the truth.

I am now a Christian and I am wondering if I should tell my son the truth about his father. I don't want him to hate me. So please help me.

H.R.,

Dear H.R.,

This is a tough me. I am wondering whether telling your son who is his biological father would affect him in a negative way. It might cause him to become depressed and unhappy. He may indeed hate both of you. You cannot know how he would react. I do not believe that telling him will help him. It may clear your conscience but destroy his mind. This is too big a risk.

Your brother and you were old enough to know that what you were doing was wrong. Therefore, your son will always remind you (by seeing him) that there is a consequence one pays for doing wrong.

There are same things that should be left alone and your situation (I believe) is one such.

Pastor