Dear Pastor,

I am a 27-year-old male and having a problem. I am getting married soon and I am still a virgin. My fiancée told me she is not a virgin. She would like to see if I can function before we get married. She kept bothering me about sex, so one day I picked her up after school and we decided to have sex. We had a shower together and she told me that my penis is very ugly. When I asked her why she said that, she said I should be circumcised and remove the foreskin from my penis. She also said for a big man, my penis is very small. I am 6'1". my penis is long and slender and it did not fill her up.

Pastor, I felt so embarrassed. I do not feel I can manage her. it seems as if she has had sex many, many times. She said she has only been with three men. However, my sister, who is also a teacher, told me she was with the vice-principal for a long time, and everybody in the school knew about it.

I went to a doctor who examined me. he said nothing is wrong with me and I don't have to be circumcised if I don't want to. All I have to do is wash my penis properly.

I don't know if I can trust my fiancée anymore. I told her what the doctor said. she said I should go to another doctor and tell him I want to be circumcised.

Pastor, I am asking you for your advice because I am confused and my mind is changing about her.

J.S., St James

Dear J.S.,

Let me start by commenting as to whether or not you should be circumcised. Many doctors say a man does not have to be circumcised. However, some do it mainly for health reasons. by that I mean it is easy for a circumcised man to keep his penis clean. While some women prefer circumcised men, others prefer those who are uncircumcised because the uncircumcised man sexually stimulates them more.

Your so-called fiancée has given away herself. It is obvious she has been around. If you don't like trouble, don't go there because it is evident you won't be able to manage. in plain Jamaican, "you will get 'bun'. I don't think I should say anything more to you. The doctor already has assured you that all is well.

Pastor