I am 20 years old and I have a boyfriend. He treats me very well, but he is living with another woman who has a child for him. He is 27 years old and he told me he made a mistake when he got this girl pregnant. She was 17 years old when he took her to live with him. She is now 19 and she is very bad. She has other men with him. He searched her phone and found out she had sex with another man and they were planning to meet again.

He said he told her to go back to her parents, but her mother doesn't have any space for her and the baby. That is why he hasn't put her out. He said they don't have sex because he is afraid that she will give him a disease.

I am working and I don't ask him for any money, but he gives me money sometimes. Sometimes when he comes to visit me, he wants to sleep over. But my landlady warned me when I rented the place she does not want men in and out of her place. And, if I have a man, he can visit, but he should not sleep over because she only rented the house to one person and the water is included in the rent. And when a man visits a woman and stays over, he has to use the water and the cost goes up. Plus, because she is a Christian, she doesn't want people to fornicate and to commit adultery in her house.

Pastor, once he slept here, but the landlady didn't see him. We had sex and both of us fell asleep, and when we woke up it was daylight. It was a good thing he did not park his car at the gate.

C.E.,

Dear C.E.,

Firstly, let me tell you straight up that you ought not to believe everything a man says. This man has told you the woman with whom he is living has a child by him and she is bad. He also says she is still there because there is no accommodation at her mother's house. But, while she is there, they are not having sex. You can't be sure he is speaking the truth. Men use that line all the time. It is very easy for a man who is living with a woman but wants to have sex with someone else to tell the other woman he is not having sex with the woman with whom he is living. And many times these men are lying.

While they are telling the new women nothing is going on between them and the women with whom they are living, they demand sex from the women who are at home.

Often these live-in women will not say 'no', because it may take them time to find another place to live. So they have sex with these men, not because they want to do so or because they love them, but because they are at the mercy of these men.

This man is telling you what you want to hear. And, if I were a betting man, (which I am not), I would bet you that one year from now, this woman would be still living at his house. And you would become very frustrated, and he will tell you a new story to try to keep you quiet. Or he may stop visiting you.

If you are serious about this man, you should check him out. Do a little detective work. Find out exactly where he is living (if you don't know that already). Get a friend to go with you to his house when you know he is at work and ask for him. If his woman comes out, tell her you are here to speak to him and then introduce yourself as his girlfriend. Have a nice conversation with the woman and you will know whether or not he is speaking the truth.

Pastor