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May 2, 2011
Star Tell Me Pastor


 

My wife doesn't want me any more

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and it is really bothering me. I am 35. In 2007 I got married. My wife and I lived together for one year. Then she got a visa to go to America to visit her sister. She promised that she would spend three weeks. I agreed. At the end of three weeks, she called and said she got a job, so she wanted to spend four months so that when she comes back to Jamaica she would be able to buy a washing machine and a fridge. I told her that we would buy these things on hire purchase, so she should come home.

Every time I talked to her, she said her sister said this and that. So I talked to her sister and asked her why she was encouraging my wife to work in America illegally. She called me and told me I can't support her and give her what she needs, so I should allow her to earn some money.

I got a visa and I went to America to see her. She is a changed woman. She stopped attending church. She said she is not coming back to Jamaica. Her sister's husband told me that she is having an affair with a Jewish man. She has moved from her sister's home into a basement apartment. I was there for 10 days and she never cooked me a meal. I had to beg her for sex - that caused me to believe that her brother-in-law was speaking the truth, because she always wanted us to have sex when we were living together. So I believe she is getting it from somebody else.

Pastor, I have to be pretending that all is well between us, but I can't go on any longer. My life is messed up. I don't even have a child. I am in church. I wouldn't lie to you, I do have sex with a young lady who lives in the same complex where I live; I would like to marry her. I don't know what to do because my church doesn't believe in divorce.

Please, give me a word of counsel.

K.M., Kingston

Dear K.M.,

Free up yourself. This marriage is dead. Your wife is not returning to Jamaica to live. She has lost interest in her marriage and in you. And there is nothing you can do to change her.

You love your church, but you have to be practical. Your wife is not coming back. Move on. Go and see a lawyer. You are already involved with another woman. If both of you truly love each other, make arrangement to see a family therapist and as soon as you are able, and you are divorced, get married.

Pastor

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