Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you but I read your column everyday. I have a problem. I am a Christian. I will be 20 this year and I am dating a guy from my church. He is 21-year-old and he loves me very much. He doesn't force me to have sex with him because he believes in marriage before sex and I am ok with that.

We are both leaders in church, so people look up to us. My dad doesn't think I should have a boyfriend. I have tried to explain it to him but it does not make a difference. He is my father, and I respect him a lot so I don't want to be rude to him because God said we should honour our parents. He said I should finish college first before I have a boyfriend, but I don't want to lose this guy. He is the only guy I ever talked to and he respects me so much.

I am asking for your advice because I don't want to hurt my dad. I have fornicated before but I am asking God to guide me because I don't want to do it again. I changed my life and I enjoy going to church. Since I met this guy, we only french kissed. Is it ok for Christian to french kiss? We can control ourselves. We also go on prayer and fasting one day in each week and ask God to guide us.

I am awaiting your fatherly advice.

Christian Girl,

Dear Christian Girl,

I am sure you mean well. I am also sure your father wants the very best for you. When he said you shouldn't have a boyfriend, it is his way of trying to protect you. He knows the temptations of the flesh and often, when a girl has a boyfriend and they are going steady, it is likely that they will go to bed. Sometimes the girl becomes pregnant.

So please understand that what your father said to you does not mean he does not trust you. He just doesn't want to see you go the wrong way. You and your boyfriend have been french kissing. That means that both of you are making out. Such kissing shows deep affection and can lead to having sex.

Many young women have said they could control themselves, but after engaging in heavy petting, lost control of themselves and ended up having sex. And when the act is over, they wondered how it happened.

I am not going to suggest you end the relationship with your boyfriend, but I will not encourage you to engage in heavy petting. Try not to be in any place with your boyfriend alone that is conducive to heavy petting. You are only 20 years old. And you have a long way to go before you get married, so don't do anything that you would regret in the future.

Pastor