I have been reading your column since high school and I find it to be very interesting and educational. You have been a role model to many. Keep up the good work.

I have been having a problem for a long time. I cannot love my mother because when I was about 13 years old and my father was on the farm work programme, my mother was having an affair with one of my father's friends. This man used to come around and bring things for my sister and me while our father was away. And as children, we were glad to receive them.

One Sunday, my sister and I were sent to a concert at church, but after a while, my sister said she was not feeling well. So I went home with her. When we got home, we saw our mother having sex with my father's friend. The radio was turned up high, so they didn't hear us when we came home.

My mother and the man were naked. I put my hand over my sister's face and pulled her outside. From that day, I have never respected my mother again. I never told my father what we saw and the man never came back to the house. my mother knows I hold what she did against her, but she begged us not to tell our father.

My sister is now a nurse, and I am running my own business. We have talked about it and decided we will never tell our father. It would kill him.

After my father came back from the farm work programme, he married my mother. They are happy together, but what I saw caused me to believe that I should not trust any woman, not even my mother.

H.

Dear H.,

Perhaps you will never be free with your mother until you forgive her. You never thought your mother would be unfaithful to your father. And, although many years have passed, you have not made peace with her.

I suggest that whenever it is convenient, you tell her how much you have been affected by what she did. This talk should take place only between your mother and yourself. And your father should not be there.

Perhaps your mother may find it difficult to talk about it, but may be glad you raised it. After you have talked to her about it, you will not only forgive her, but learn to love her.

Pastor