I would really appreciate your take on a matter. I have been with my girlfriend for three and a half years. I really love and respect her. She is in her final year at university and she is a wonderful, calm, warm, patient, loving, caring, kind, very giving, considerate and beautiful young woman who I can reason with, even when she is under pressure.

Several times when I was sick and down with flu or fever, she would come by my home and comfort me, help me clean, bring food to cook and help to bathe me. She respects my opinion and believes me. We argue, but we always work things out and forget them. She stuck by me when I was going through severe financial pressures, and she supported me. She gets along with my mother, and I get along with her parents.

I honestly thought there were no good women left, as I have been seriously hurt by them in the past. She is two years younger than I. She will be 22 soon. We both have issues. She said she never thought we would have made it so far, even though she has never regretted it. I do not have a problem with this. I really do not want to let her go.

HEART rate increases

Another issue is that she fears intercourse. She is relaxed with intimacy but she freezes when it is time for penetration. Her heart rate increases and she gets nervous and clams up, and, no matter how hard I try, we can't seem to make headway. When I try a little harder, its like trying to get inside a rock, and she will scream and start trembling like a leaf and break down, saying it hurts too much. After trying to hold her shaking body, I realise that I am causing her pain and I cry with her too.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for her. I have had patience with her in that department. It has never happened to me in my two previous relationships. I am dying to make love to her, watch the expressions on her face and explore her. I have never wanted a woman more, and I know she is worth the wait.

Is it an issue of time? I hate seeing her shake in fear. She knows I won't hurt her.

Keep up the good work. We look forward to your advice.

A.M.,

Dear A.M.,

Can't you see that this young lady is not ready to do what you are anxious to do? Perhaps she loves you, but she doesn't want to give up her virginity. Can't you understand that if you continue to push her or to persuade her to have sex with you, you will drive her away? Yes, she would leave you. So, if you want her to continue having a relationship with you, don't try to force her to have sex with you.

You said a lot of good things about her. But when you talk about yourself, you have one thing in mind; and that is to have sex with her. This young woman would rather loose her virginity to her husband. She is not even sure that you are the person to whom she should marry. So back off, my friend. Be a good friend and nothing more.

Pastor