Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and you are doing a great job. I am a very unhappy young woman. I met a man in December 1999 and he showed interest in me. I was a Christian at the time, so he asked me to marry him. He was not a Christian and I didn't know much about him. He was 31 and I was 20. The age to me didn't matter. He already had two boys when I met him.

We fooled around and I became pregnant. I then agreed to marry him, even though I knew we were unequally yoked. We got married in September 2000 and I had a daughter in 2001. When my daughter was about seven months, I found out he was cheating on me. When I found out my husband said: "So what, go and find yourself a man." He then started to abuse me physically and verbally.

I was young at the time and I did not have a job and I had my baby and I did not want to go back home. Anyway, things became worse over the years. I tried to leave him but he kept following me. I was also abused by his relatives. They chased me from the house in 2004. His mother told me that if I didn't leave she was going to chop me up when he is not around.

I knew what they were capable of so I left immediately because I had already received five stitches from the wounds I got from his niece. I went back home in shame. But the good thing was I had a job. I started a house on my grandparent's land.

He then moved in fully with me. He continues to have the affair with the same so-called Christian girl. He curses and abuses me if I say anything about the girl. He got her pregnant in 2009. When I heard, he said that the child is not his. I am such a fool.

I wanted another child and he said that he didn't want anymore kids. I decided to get pregnant and have another child. He started to tell me that I am red eye. He quarrels and tells me the other child was his and no matter what I say, he is going to support him so it is going to burn me even more.

Pastor, all my life I've felt so ashamed and embarrassed. People in the community laugh at me because he treats the other woman like his wife. He takes the child to his mother's house where we used to live. So the other woman boasts and feels proud. He is still fooling around.

The situation is killing me and I don't know how much I can take it. I need this man out of my life. He is like a thorn in my flesh. Please give me your advice.

J.N., St Andrew

Dear J.N.,

You love this man more than you love yourself. When his mother threw you out of their home and you went back to your parents' home and built a house on your grandparents land, you should not have welcomed your husband back into your life and into your new home. You knew that he had not changed. He was still fooling around and was not showing you respect.

Hasn't this man embarrassed you enough? How long are you going to continue to live with him? I have to tell you the truth. Happiness is a choice. And right now you have chosen not to be happy. If you want to be happy, you need to go and see a lawyer.

Pastor