Tambareen Fambily an Mix-Up an Blenda massive, bless up unnu self. Mek wi move straight to di mix up dem:

Unda di Bed

Raga, mi have a friend. She live a Mississauga and she have her real man a Ajax in Canada. She have her bunna man a Mississauga, and him come over wen ever him ready. Raga, last nite har real man come over and the bunna man was there! The real man ring the buzzer fi she buzz him in into the apartment. But Raga, true some people did come in and out of the apartment, the real man get fi come in before she get fi buzz him in and reach at the door. Raga, the bunna man hide under the bed and the real man do him thing, and the bunna man a hear everything under the bed. When them finish, she tell the real man say com mek wi go across the street to get some things at Nofriles, a supermarket cross the road. Wen she go downstairs she tell the man say she have to go back into the apartment to change her winter shoes, and wen she reach back she look underneath the bed and say .... u can come out now 'cause wi a go cross the road. Mi say, Raga, mi laugh down the place. Raga, big up mi auntie in Prospect. This is from Monique inna Mississauga.

Mi say it aready an mi a guh say it again ... nuh bunna man nuh fi guh unda bed wen hussy come home unexpectedly. It too easy fi yuh pick up chop an gunshot wen yuh unda bed. Suppose yuh haffi cut wid a quickness? How quick yuh can move fram unda bed? If mi a sort out a man woman an di man fahwud, MI NOT GOING UNDA DI BED! A dat mi say! Di most mi a duh is hide inna di closet, 'cause if him ketch mi in deh, mi a push dung dat an splurt through di door! Awoh!

Gyal Clown Landlord

Raga, mi rent this one room from a man in Westport and I am a single female wit one child but wasn't gonna take my child to his place. Now I attend church but had a likkle male fren dat visited me from time to time. Raga, every time de man come look fi mi, the landlord dry up wit mi. Fi a man him mek everything badda him. His room is adjacent to mine an him mek fuss 'cause mi lock mi door at nite, an sey a de 2 a wi alone deh deh, if mi think him a rapist.

Anyways, one nite mi fren sleep ova an de man start play loud music from as early as 6 a.m. Mi laff 'cause mi know how de dutty man stay. Mi fren start check mi more often an dat get off the man. If mi come home late and if mi leff early everything is a problem. Yuh wudda swear mi an him deh. Things get so bad till one day mi an him trace an mi talk up de things dem! I was so ashamed of myself after. Anyways, mi was there till him give mi notice 'cause my son had to now com live wit me.

In the interest of time, let me cut to de chase. I move out of the man place an to my surprise, Raga, one day de man call mi a work bout how much him miss mi an sorry seh mi move. Raga mi couldn't believe dis man weh cuss mi an tell mi bout how mi a gospel grinder and de works. Raga, him seh how much him want mi fi com spen some time wid mi an mek mi an him guh nyam fish. Now tell me if this man ya nuh brite?! Him even call mi very very recently. Well, me neva yet dash it out pon him nor did it even cross my mind 'cause him zugly.

Weh yuh say, him nuh jus ugly, him ZZZZZZUGLY! Well, it obvious say yuh landlord did love yuh off long time. Him did a try run di ting neatly an screechy up pon yuh fi get a sort-out. Dats why him did a gwaan suh like a spoilt likkle girl wen yuh man did a fahwud an a sort yuh out. An yuh can see seh him a real gyal clown wen him gi yuh notice an mek yuh move out and den tun roun a call yuh a yuh workplace an a chat bout him miss yuh an waa tek yuh out. A real punk dat. Him nuh have nuh lyrics an him definitely nuh have nuh swag. A hot steppa woman soon rinse him out, tek ova him place an mek HIM start pay rent. Ole eediat.

Reach Ragashanti at mixupraga@gmail.com or PO Box 5866, Liguanea, PO, Kingston 6.