Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you but I always read your column. This is not for me, it is for my friend. I need some advice. She has been in an abusive relationship for the last five years, but I've known her for three years. Let me give you a better understanding of the situation.

When she was in 10th grade in high school, she had an argument with her family. They put her out and she ended up with this person. They have been living together ever since.

I don't know when the abuse started, but all I know is when he hits her I am sicken. She has scars all over her body from what he has done to her (belly, mouth, feet etc.). I have seen him hit her, and after he was finished with her, all he did was just to act as if nothing had happened and ignored the fact that he just hit her. And nobody can tell him to stop. He hit her once and then told her he was going to counselling. He went only once and never returned.

When he hits her, she packs her bags, leaves for a day and then goes back the next day or the same night. It is not a case where she doesn't have somewhere to go because she can come and stay with me or another friend. But she insists on staying there and wash, cook, clean and take care of his brother.

All I can do is hope it doesn't get to the point where he kills her. All her friends know this is happening, but none of us can convince her to leave and I feel sorry for her.

Please, give me some advice on what to do to help my friend and other girls who are in abusive relationships.

Worried Friend

Dear Worried Friend,

You have tried your best to let this young woman understand that she should not accept physical abuse, but she continues to live with the man and to behave as if the man has the right to beat her. She has not tried to have him arrested. You should keep out of her way and hope that the day will come when she would come to realise that no one should accept abuse as the norm, and that she should do something about it.

Pastor