Dear Pastor,

I am 46 and my husband is 29 years old. We were friends since 2007 and we got married on February 14, 2008. It was love at first sight for us. I really cherished having him in my life. We were so in love with each other. He is a police officer and at that time, I was a business-woman but I am now a nurse.

I have had three miscarriages for him, but I have three boys from a past relationship. We discussed the possibilities of him having a child because it is risky for me now. Anyway, I work overseas for about four months in every year.

depressed and lonely

In September I went to Florida to work and when I returned in December of 2010, I heard that my husband had a girlfriend who is married. She is living in New Jersey. My husband only comes home, changes his clothes, hugs and kisses me and goes to see the woman. He spent three weeks with her and all I had was my pillow to cuddle and cry myself to sleep every night. I felt depressed and lonely.

We talked it over and I forgave him because I truly love him deeply. I also believe in one marriage. I don't believe in divorce, but based on what your answer is, I will comply.

I saw a piece of paper in his bag and when I looked at it, I realised that he fathered a child who was born in this year. It was shocking to me. What I blame him for is lying to me. He should have told me that a girl was pregnant for him.

Pastor, my life is at risk where my health is concerned because he is living a double life now. He is saying nothing else is in the closet and he loves me and he doesn't want to lose me. I accept the child. I really love children, and that child is his first child, but I just don't know what to think. My son filed for me and I will be migrating this year.

Pastor, I look up to you and I am awaiting your fatherly advice. I am so nervous writing this letter and tears are flowing down profusely. I can't see clearly. Please help me.

M.,

Dear M.,

I get the impression that your husband believed that because of your age, you were willing to give him permission to have an affair with someone who is willing to become pregnant by him. You said both of you had discussed how he would get a child. You have accepted the child.

I, therefore, suggest that both of you seek professional help to learn how to handle the present situation and for you to relate to the child and his/her mother.

Pastor