I am 20 and a Christian. I am engaged to be married. I have one child and I am happy to say that my expected husband loves him very much. Already the child is calling him daddy. He is three.

Since I have this child I became a Christian, but I have a problem. I always masturbate before I go to sleep. It is my little private habit that nobody knows about. I have tried to stop but if I don't do it, I cannot relax. I toss and turn on the bed.

cannot tell him

My boyfriend and I have never had sex because he is a serious Christian. And I cannot tell him that I masturbate, because he believes that it is only non-Christian people who have sex with themselves.

My boyfriend is a salesman and sometimes he is away for days. I feel that even if I am married and I am alone, I will face the same temptation to masturbate.

Do you feel that I will ever be able to stop?

C.R., Manchester

Dear C.R.,

I am glad that you have found a man who loves you and is planning to marry you. I am also happy to know that he has accepted your son as his own. And I wish this young man and yourself much happiness.

I do not wish for you to condemn yourself because you masturbate. And I want you to know that what you are experiencing is similar to what many other women are facing every day and every night. Many of these women are Christians and they resort to the practice of masturbation, because they do not want to become sexually involved with men.

They masturbate privately (naturally) and hope that the good Lord will help them to find men who will love them and would marry them.

When you get married, the desire to masturbate may subside, especially if your husband is a good lover and can meet your sexual needs. From time to time, you may resort to the habit, but may eventually overcome the practice. You would find the desire for your husband would be greater. Even when he is away, you will anticipate his coming and may not have the desire to masturbate.

Again, I wish both of you well. Take good care of your child and yourself and let me hear more about your wedding plans.

Pastor