How are you? I am 39 years old and I am having a problem. I had two miscarriages; one at a week old and the other at a month old. I got pregnant again for the third time and I carried the pregnancy up to nine months. During the ninth month, I felt a pain and it lasted for about three hours then stopped. The next day, I stopped feeling the baby move, so I went to the doctor.

The doctor still did not feel him move, but the baby's heartbeat was 157 so he sent me to the hospital. My blood pressure by then had risen high because I was worrying. I was at the hospital two days before the doctors took the baby. They were just taking his heartbeat the two days I was there, until they found no heartbeat. The baby died in me.

high blood pressure

Pastor, this happened on February 5, 2011 and from that day I have never been the same. The doctors said that it was the high blood pressure that killed my baby. But during my pregnancy, I always pray to God to help this baby to be healthy. I have done wrong things in my past, and I sometimes wonder if I am being punished. But I have asked God for forgiveness.

Pastor, I believe if God wanted him to live, He would. He is the giver and taker of life. I don't know how to go on. I cry almost every day. My pressure is still high. I would like to try again, but I am afraid that will happen again.

Please help me. I dream every night about babies. Please pray for me and give me your advice.

I await your reply, thank you for your help.

D.,

Dear D.,

Only a woman who has had a similar experience will truly understand what you are going through. Males can only empathise but can never fully understand the emotional agony that a woman feels when she has carried a pregnancy for nine months and then loses the baby.

I want to assure you that it is natural for you to grieve. But on the other hand, I want you to perish the thought that God might be punishing you for something you have done in the past. I don't know why you have lost the baby. The doctors have given you a reason. They might be wrong, they might be right. Only God knows why He has allowed the baby to die.

This has been your third pregnancy and I am sure that you have felt the loss of this one more than the others because you have carried the pregnancy for nine months and you were looking forward to motherhood. There are some things in life that you may never understand.

Please do not blame God. And don't blame yourself either. God does all things well and what pleases Him. If you get to heaven, what a wonderful conversation it would be to ask God why he allowed your child to die. Until then, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6.

Pastor