Bless up to mi Tambareen Fambily an mi Mix Up an Blenda massive. A me say straight to di mix up dem ...

Pastor Stulla

Raga, big up the pastor man from Portmore wid the big, big lolly. Raga, because the pastor want mi fi see him instrument, him wear one shorts come a mi yard and every move him mek him draw up di shorts fi mi see it. IT BIG BAD! Raga, the man come fi talk to mi bout baptism, but as far as mi see him did want to talk bout something else. An the hottest thingis him a Seventh-day Adventist.

Him is jus anedda hypocrite pastor weh a walk roun an a sex off di church sista dem. Mi get mix up bout dem regularly. Mi have dem file. Dem a Christian Stulla! Lol! If yuh gwaan mek him come a yuh yaad, one day him gwine jus fling off di shorts an try fi BLESS yuh wid him strength! Lol! Be careful.

Freaky Security Manager

Mix up big up to the manager dats in charge of training at a well-known security company dat always a swipe off the woman security them dat come class fi training, an promise fi give them good location fi work. Him get one and ask har fi drink fram har tin milk. But wen him get it an she get turn on an want the striking, him did want to walk tru her back door. Big him up fi mi. Cause a him always say man weh love rear fi dead but a him a ask woman fi go tru them back door.

Dats why mi careful a di people dem weh get up every day an a bun out dis an a bun out dat, 24 hours a di day. Nuff time a dem same one a do di freaky tings dem. Look deh, di woman a invite him through the front door an him a insist fi go through di back door. New name fi dem: Back Door Hypocrite! DWL!

Matey move Loo

Raga, I've been dating a married man for the past three years. Mi nah lie, him really treat mi good and mek every effort to ensure seh mi alright. Him sen flowers fi mi at work, surprise mi wid plane tickets, him very romantic but sometime him is a real ass. But my problem is initially mi never intend fi fall in love and now mi feel like mi trap or him obeah mi cuz is like mi cyaah lef. Di man go home to him wife every day and if mi tek a phone call privately, him entire body language change, but him naah seh nothing to mi.

Raga, di man tell mi seh if mi lef him, him ago kill mi. So mia seh a wha do da eediat yah man. But anuh dat di ole guttersnipe dutty man do. Him did sort mi out propa propa, him get one apartment, tv, fridge, mi a tell yuh the whole works. But mi did fool mi neva insist seh him buy di tings dem inna my name.One day to rahtid him go find mi wid a ikky. Outa respect mi neva carry anada man go weh mi live cause dat deh man have bout 400 yeye, mi cyaah even use di bathroom and him nuh know. Afta di ikky di man nuh seh nutting to mi, Raga. Mi guh work and come back to find an empty house! Only thing lef ah di space weh everything use to deh. Mi did feel like is a juicy beef warehouse. Mi seh everything echo to how di place empty. What a dutty wutliss man. Love really blind. Or a di good good sort out and swipe did a fool mi cause him tongue did long like any lizard, an when mi twist up like a elastic ban him nuh tap call out di Lord name in vain. Mi glad still seh him rather tek him things than tek my life still.

A weh di baxside yuh a chat bout love?!! Yuh neva love him! Yuh did jus a bus a likkle hustling an a get a good deal outa it. A your fault mek di dolly house mash up. Yuh did done know say di man married fram di git go. Yuh done know say a matey status yuh woulda haffi pree. Yuh did a get a place fi stay, whole heap a furniture, plane tickets, surprise gifts, whole heap a money, an toppa-top treatment. AN YUH GO MEK DI MAN SEE HICKEY PON YUH NECK!! An anno him dweet! Gyal, yuh mad! A dis yuh dis di man! A your fault! But one ting yuh right bout ‹ is a good ting him only tek back di tings an neva move to yuh wicked. Yuh fi give tanx. Learn fram yuh mistakes an slow yuh roll. Bless up.

Reach Ragashanti at mixupraga@gmail.com or PO Box 5866, Liguanea PO, Kingston 6.