Dear Pastor,

I am a 22-year-old young woman who really needs your fatherly advice. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost eight years. He is 24. We are building a house together as we live at my mother's. My mother just recently migrated to the United States so we are living alone.

We have a young daughter and I honestly love this guy and I know he really loves me too. We live in a family yard with two other houses. When I was 17 years old, I got pregnant. I had just applied to college and was working and I would have had to leave that job if they found out I was pregnant, so we had an abortion which, onto this day, I regret so much. I beg the Lord every day to forgive me. This guy is my world. No matter what I am going through he is always there for me. He is the greatest father I have ever known. He loves our daughter to death.

My problem is that whenever we have an argument he always tells everyone our business. He went as far as to tell my whole family about my abortion. I was so ashamed. He has done so much more to me before and when he did that, I remembered everything and decided to leave him. My family loves him, so they told me to forget everything and take him back. He would not leave and he begged and pleaded and cried, and I took him back.

I am now going to an Apostolic church. My desire is to get baptised and serve the Lord, but we are not married and my mom is filing for me so I can't get married right now. He says we don't have to be married to have sex because the Bible says, "Take a woman and call her your wife". And once we stay faithful to each other we are married in the sight of God. He is a backslider.

He does not physically abuse me, but he abuses me verbally. Whenever he disrespects me in front of everyone, and we are alone at nights and I start crying, he comforts me and says he doesn't like when I cry and he only said those horrible things because he was angry. I would forgive him and we would make out.

He is a good provider, but he is not a good listener. I cannot really reason with him and sometimes I just want someone to listen and talk to me. He doesn't like my friends. They are Christians. He just wants me all for himself. He wants me home all day, every day. Sometimes he just finds things for us to argue about.

I am fed up. I am tired of the verbal abuse, the arguments and I am tired of everyone knowing our business. Should I leave him or stay?

Fed-up Jamaican

Dear Fed-up Jamaican,

Let me start by saying if you are not employed, try your best to get a job. I believe you love this man and he loves you too. However, he needs some help. He needs counselling. He doesn't know there are some things he ought not to talk about in public. Whatever transpired between the both of you should be kept between the both of you.

The matter of the abortion was a decision made by you both; therefore, he should not use that to embarrass you. By doing so he is trying to belittle you and giving the impression you are not a good woman. He is very wrong and needs to change his behaviour, and counselling should help him.

Concerning your desire to serve the Lord, you should not allow him to prevent you from getting baptised. His response to you that a man takes a woman and calls her his wife demonstrates scriptural ignorance.

I would like to encourage you to put God first in your life, and not your child's father. You are responsible for your life and you would have to give an account for the way you live. So, I repeat, put God first before your man. God will take care of the rest.

Tell him both of you should go for counselling. The counsellor would suggest how you both should face the future and your desire to become a Christian.

Pastor