Dear Pastor,

I am 60 years old and the mother of two children, who are adults. My husband died two years ago. I am very active in the church and one of the male members who is 40 years old has fallen in love with me.

He has never been married, and he was very helpful to my husband during his illness because my children are living abroad. After my husband died, he visited me regularly and every Sunday I prepared Sunday dinner for him and gradually I developed a love for him. He told me he can't live without me.

My children are against this relationship. They told me they will never accept him. Right now, some of the members in the church suspect something is going on between us because some of them saw him driving my car. My older son said: "Mama, your head must be taking in water to believe what this man is telling you." To tell you the truth, Pastor, this man makes me feel young again. I believe you understand what I mean, so I don't have to spell out everything.

I love my children and their father and I built the house I am now living in. And they claim this man wants the house. I would like to marry him and live a decent life. I don't know how to tell him to go because I love him.

As I write this letter to you, I am trembling because I hope you don't tell me to leave him. I would rather stop going to my church and go to another church instead of leaving this man.

I.R., St Catherine

Dear I.R.,

I do not believe you should ignore the advice of your children. You are 20 years older than this man. I am sure your children believe you when you say that you are in love with him, but you should consider both your ages.

It is not going to be easy for you to cope with him when you get older. In 10 years you will be 70 and he will be 50. And in 20 years you will be 80 and he will be 60. Would he be faithful to you at that age or will he be having affairs with other women?

Please understand, I am not against older women marrying younger men, but I cannot, with a clear conscience, encourage this relationship. Your children are not going to accept this man. And when all is said and done, at your age, your children have a big say in your future happiness. Don't look at what you are enjoying now, think about the future.

Pastor