I am a 21-year-old student at the University of the West Indies currently in the Faculty of Medical Sciences. I have no children and neither was my name ever slandered in any aspect. I can be considered a dream daughter. However, pastor, that is not the case. Despite where I am currently in life, I still face a situation of an ungrateful family and honestly, I feel trapped and most often I think suicide is my way out. Lately I have been having dreams of different methods to successfully carry out the act.

I grew up in the Church until I realised my family used it as a method to mentally trap me. I am grateful for the morals I procured from going to church, but I still have not found my identity. I turned to witchcraft and still no luck. So here I am still listening to every word of my mother and the society. It seems as if every move I make is recorded by my neighbours who tell my mother. If I am seen on the road talking with male friends, it is reported to her. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother. She is a good person but I am tired of people judging me based on who she is. My biological father left before I was born. He started his own family and is now in prison.

grown up

Pastor, I am outraged because I am not a child. I currently live with cousins and it seems as if I am the only one in bondage. They go out, they have lovers and they have a life. But if I go out, I am called and told to come home or they will lock me out.

This is not even about not being able to date or dating whomever I want; it is about being treated like a child when I act nothing like that. I see my friends being allowed the freedom I only wish for. I would love to move from this house but I cannot. I simply cannot afford to or if I do, I fear my mother will stop paying my tuition. My cousins are working and going to school because they had the option. My life was simply planned out and I fear deviating from that plan.

I love my mother to death, but she just doesn't understand. She wants me to hold out until I finish with university. Pastor, she doesn't live with me. She doesn't have to deal with what I do. I live with my mother's sister, and she is so evil. She hates me. My mother moved because of her. My older cousins left because of her. My other aunt left because of her. So people think if other family members survived living with my aunt, I can too. But it is not that simple.

Last year I had to call the police on her because she pinned me down to the ground and kicked me repeatedly because I accidentally used her $25.00 plastic food container. I mean that is how low she is. Even the police had a hard time communicating with her. My entire family knows this, they just simply think I should deal with her because she is older than me and she is my mother's sister.

hypocrite

Yesterday, I had my best friend over, and my aunt looked at him and told him never to visit me again. He is not wanted in the house. The worst thing is, it is not her house. The house belongs to my grandmother. Her children have friends and lovers coming over all the time, but I can't. My aunt herself has friends and her multitude of men coming over all the time too. None of my friends visit me anymore. I ran away twice, and I have attempted suicide twice but I am wiser now.

I want parents and families to know that their children have lives of their own. They cannot expect their children to grow up and live their dreams, the children have dreams and opinions too.

N.M., Kingston

Dear N.M.,

I would not try to fool you. There are no easy answers to your problems. It is only God who can change your aunt and cause her to treat you with respect.

And I want to assure you God is able to sustain you and give you the strength to endure the suffering that you are facing. The day is coming when you will not have to live with your aunt. That day may seem far away, but take heart; it is something to look forward to. I will be praying for you.

Pastor