I am 19 years old and mother of a beautiful baby girl. I have recently found myself in a sticky situation. I am involved with a 32-year-old policeman who has two children and has been involved with their mother for over 14 years. We met at my house nine months ago. When I came home for Christmas holidays, he was hired to do some work. He expressed his feelings for me, and I felt the same way about him, and so we got together.

We have grown to love each other very much. I think I am very happy with him. He makes me smile a lot. He does a lot for me and he is a very supportive companion. I want to leave him but it seems very difficult. Whenever I am not with him, I feel lonely and miserable and everybody around me feels the effect of my loneliness. I have tried to leave before. I did not take any of his calls and I ignored him, but the following day he came to my house and everything went right back to square one.

This is not the type of life that I would want my daughter to see me living, but the funniest thing about it is, of all the men I have ever liked, including my daughter's father, this is the one my mother approves of. This may be because she is not aware of his family situation.

Please help me. I need to know what to do. I need to be happy again.

Confused, Portland, Jamaica

Dear Confused,

Perhaps you can do something good for your mother this New Year and tell her the truth. Right now you are fooling your mother. She believes the man is a gentleman and would make you a good husband. She is not expecting you to be involved with a man who has another woman and children. So, the first step is, you ought to tell your mother the truth and ask her not to entertain him when he visits the house.

man in uniform

Perhaps Mamma loves this man because he is a 'man in uniform'. You are happy together but you know there is no future for the both of you. Right now he is standing in the way of a good man who may wish to establish a serious relationship with you.

If you really want to leave him, you can. You are not chained to him. You do not have to accept any of his gifts. You can encourage him to stay with his children's mother. People do what they want to do. I have no magic formula to make you leave him except to say it depends upon you. You have the power to say yes - you will stay, or you will go. Make up your mind and stop fooling yourself.

Pastor