Dear Pastor,

I am a 24-year-old girl and I am living with my 31-year-old boyfriend. We have been together for two years now, but before we met he was dating this girl who claimed she couldn't get pregnant. Anyway, they broke up, and on his birthday she showed up at his party. He was drunk and he said he ended up sleeping with her and she got pregnant. He said he told her he didn't want the baby, because he already had two kids. He can't afford any more children, and she had told him she couldn't get pregnant.

We got together four months after that. When I asked him if he had kids he said he had two. Six months into our relationship he came home one night and told me he had a young baby. I was so shocked, I didn't even know how to react. He told me, "babes, I love you and I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure it was mine," and a lot of other foolishness. I told him that was a poor excuse for not telling me, and we argued about it.

To this day, I don't believe him, and every time I hear the baby's name or see her, I get upset. I just can't get over it. If only he had told me from the first time, maybe it would have been different. I love him. I don't ask him for much because I work, but when I do, I always have to wait. It hurts to the point where I cry and I feel like breaking up with him. But he keeps telling me he loves me, and that he wished he had met me a long time ago because I am the best girl he has ever been with.

Please give me your advice.

S.L. Grand Cayman

Dear S.L.,

You cannot be sure whether this man is speaking the truth. However, what you can do is to determine whether you wish to stay with a man who is the father of three children and is unable to give you what you ask of him from time to time without a long delay. You should bear in mind that he has to support these children and perhaps their mothers too. So when you ask him for something, he has to plan well before he grants your request. He is not making enough to give you immediately what you want. You must therefore decide whether you are prepared to be with a man who is evidently living from hand to mouth.

Good men don't blame women when they impregnate them. They don't say, "it's the woman's fault." This man said he was drunk when he had sex with his so-called ex-girlfriend. You should know that a drunk man's penis cannot become erect. It is true that alcohol affects one's judgement. He might have been 'under his waters', but he wasn't drunk. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew where to put it. Both of them had fun. So he is lying to you by saying that it is the woman's fault.

Whether you would stay with him or move on is a decision you must make, and nobody else.

Pastor