Dear Pastor,

I have a problem that I would like your help with. I am married and I have a child within my marriage. My husband had an outside child before we got married, but I found out after we got married and this wasn't by him telling me. However, he has only seen the child twice. The child is now seven years old and this child does not live in the same country as my husband. He told me that he has no contact for the child.

However, recently he was contacted by the grandmother of the child, and she told him that the child was in foster care and was liable for adoption. She told him she wanted him to take the child because she didn't want the child to be adopted. He told me this two months after the woman called. I was fuming. I asked him if he questioned her about the mother's whereabouts and why was the child not in her care. He said he never asked, but he would like to take the child.

at a breaking point

Pastor, he is in no position to take on this responsibility and I will not help him out with this. I feel like I am at a breaking point. I know that the child didn't ask to be in this world, but I don't think that I can accept any of this. I think we should just get a divorce and allow him to do what he wants because I will forever feel unhappy if he decides to take this child.

There is so much more to it that I can't really say, but please advise me from what you understand. Thank you in advance.

K.S.,

Dear K.S.,

If you are not prepared to accept this child in your home, you should encourage your husband to step forward and to speak to the appropriate authorities concerning the welfare of the child, and what he is prepared to do to support him/her. It means that he would have to admit that he is the father of the child and will see to it that the child lives in a good home and all his/her needs are met.

I could understand why you feel hurt. Your husband did not inform you that he had a child before you were married. You married him thinking that he was childless and psychologically you are not prepared to be a step-mother. Nevertheless, you can be a big help by encouraging him to do what is right.

I agree with the child's grandmother that the child should not be given up for adoption if the father is in a position to support him/her.

Pastor