All Tambareen Fambily an Mix Up an Blenda massive large up unu self. Right ya now mi a move straight to di mix-up dem.

No Ransom fi di Nookie

Me say Raga one piece a embarrassment reach one gal over Islington ya. Me say one man propose fi marry har, the man have money but him tight with it. So the gal go hide and beg har brother call the man and tell him say a $100,000 dem want fi let har go, or dem a go kill har. Raga the man say dem fi kill har. So she did have to come out a hiding, she shame.

Nooooo sah!!! Nuttin naa gwaan fi har a claat! Is eida di man really mean fi true an jus naa leggo him money. Or him jus nuh care bout har dem way deh, or him pick up say a con shi did a try con him. Mi feel seh di man pree seh a him money shi did waan rinse an jus gangsta up di ting pon har. An shi probably jus nuh have di propa-propa ransom nookie. Eida way it sticky pon har ya now.

Wukliss Husban

Raga, pree dis ya mix-up ya. Fe 20-odd yrs mi auntie married to waan wutliss bwoy from St Ann. She carry him come a foreign and him neva one day wuk. Dem have three pickney together and him neva buy dem nutten yet. Him not even carry him son go barber. Him wutliss cyaan done. The worse is when him strip naked in front a mi and mi two teenage daughters cause him waan pom me from me come deh. Me haffi laugh afta him cause him nuh have nutten fe scare me. When me done laugh afta him, him just put on back him clothes and lef de house. Now him cyaan face mi. The way how him wutliss me no have space fe write.

Mi a laugh wen mi read 'me haffi laugh afta him cause him nuh have nutten fe scare me.' Weh yuh a say, him likkle piece a pencil neva did a cut nuh dash?! Lol! A wa do some pap dung man a try frighten woman wid dem toothpick! Mad!! Him really a luu fi true.

Jim Screechie pon di Sista

Yow raga, one night mi go ova mi girl yard a St Mary. Dem use to live in a two-bedroom house. She use to live wid her two sista dem. Mi a security so mi did jus get pay so wen mi reach ova deh we did a drink some heavy licka. But her lickle sista did a drink harder dan di rest a wi and a long time me did waa fi touch her. Anyway, mi frass di whole a dem and dida pretend like mi frass too and go form sleep. So mi hear wen di big sista go lock up the place and go ina her room. So mi wait like a hour jus fi mek sure dem a sleep. My girl did deh beside me pon di bed inna her deep sleep. I jus tek time a squeechy afa di bed and go ova her lickle sista bed and tek mi lickle time tek off mi clothes and strip her naked, slide on a rough rider and a sadle up now fi thief it wen mi hear she say 'MEK SURE SAY U NU CUM QUICK U NUH!!!' Raga I frighten so till, but mi did mash it up still.

Yuh a guh haad still, bout yuh a sort out yuh woman sista. An di sista wussa cayliss. Cause mi nuh know how shi fi a dash out har sinting pon har sista man - inna di same room too! A guess yuh can blame it on di alcohol. But if shi have enough sense fi tell yuh nuh fi cum quick den shi coulda have enough sense nuh fi tek har sista man - inna di same room weh har sista a sleep at dat. Unu nuh easy at all. lol! Bless up.

Reach Ragashanti at

mixupraga@gmail.com or PO Box 5866, Liguanea PO Kingston 6.