I am a 15-year-old seeking help. I have been with this guy over the past six years. He is the first guy I have ever loved. We started having sex from I was 12. He was living with his girlfriend at that time and she found out about us and made a complaint to my parents. They attempted to send him to prison but I fought for him because I could not let such a thing happen to the guy I love and gave all my love to.

Anyway, it happened that we couldn't talk to each other so we decided to be secret lovers. Something went wrong and his girlfriend had to leave. She came back and she left again. I asked him why she left and he said that they were no longer together. Actually, she came back to the community and rented a house there. People say that they saw him visiting the girl at nights. I asked him about it and he said that it was a lie. I didn't push it. Finally she got pregnant. They said that he is the father of the baby. I asked him and he said that it is a lie. I did not push it. The girl lost the baby.

She went overseas to live. She visits Jamaica very often. The second time she visited, I saw both of them shopping. I was upset. He does not call me unless I call him. He does not call me unless he sees me well dressed and going out. He also calls me when he wants to have sex. I caught gonorrhoea from him and I did not move on because of the love I had for him. I asked him for things and I did not get them. He would tell me that I would get the things the next day. I bought him birthday gifts and other things. The only thing I have ever received from him is a marker and sex.

He had sex with 95 per cent of the girls in our community. Pastor, I love this guy and I also have another problem that I need you to help me solve. I cannot be trusted by my parents again. Ever since they found out that I am not a virgin, they do not allow me to go places anymore. When I ask them if I could go out, they say no because I will go and look men. I feel bad when they say that.

Anyway, I still go out and have sex with my boyfriend after school and I would lie to go and see him. I can see that it is getting worse. Please help me so that I can go places again. Please give me a good advice.

Sexually Active, Jamaica

Dear Sexually Active,

You have refused to listen to your parents and others. You have written to me because you are now feeling hopeless. It is not that you want to change your behaviour, it is the man you wish to see changed. You want him to leave other girls and stick with you. And you also would like your parents to give you permission to go out freely.

However, I pray that God will open your understanding so that you will be able to see that this man is no good. He started to have sex with you from you were at the tender age of 12. Any man who would have sex with a girl at that age is a disgrace to society and should be severely punished. It is a pity that your parents did not allow the matter to go to court.

You do not mean yourself any good because even when he gave you gonorrhoea, you continued to have sex with him. You may think you are fooling your parents but you are only fooling yourself. At age 15 you should understand that this is not the type of man you need to have as a friend, and that after school you should go home and not sneak away to have sex with him. Don't you know that that is wrong? Can't you understand that this man is just abusing you and that legally you cannot consent?

You have to understand that this man is behaving as a village ram. You are not special to him because he has been having sex with the majority of the girls in the community. It is time for you to stop being a loose girl and focus on your studies. Consider the relationship that you have had with this man as a big mistake.

Your parents will begin to trust you again whenever they see that you have changed.

Remember, if you don't listen to your parents and other relatives, you will continue to go downhill and eventually fall over a precipice. So tell this man that the relationship is over and mean what you say.

Pastor