Hope this message finds you well. I am encouraged whenever I read your columns with the advice you have given other people.

I need your fatherly advice on a situation that I am in. I am living abroad, but come to Jamaica every year to visit my mom and other family members. I moved abroad five years ago.

I was in Jamaica last July, taking part in my aunt's wedding when I met this guy. He was videoing the wedding. He is eight years my senior, as I am 25. A relationship developed between us during my stay of almost a month in Jamaica.

We would talk all day and night on the phone, or he would visit me when he could, as he was living in another parish. We both found each other interesting, noticed a connection and decided to see where God would take us. We didn't sleep together during my time there, because I wanted to keep myself until after marriage. He said he was ok with that. I didn't mention that I wasn't living in Jamaica until a week after we started talking. He said he was willing to wait until we could both been by each other's side, but it will be difficult. But with the help of God he would have hung in there.

During my time there, we discussed many important things about what we both expected of each other and where we would have liked the relationship to go. He told me he had never been married, neither did he have a child. He had invited me to a wedding that he was doing in my parish two weeks after we met and I went with him. We hung out after the wedding and got to know each other better.

The situation I am faced with is, the week after I left Jamaica he told me he had something to tell me. He wanted to be sure how we really felt about each other before he told me. He told me a young woman is expecting a child for him in December. He said they were seeing each other, but the relationship ended March of this year because they couldn't get along, among other issues. I told him I was willing to give the relationship a try, but it is going to be difficult to adjust to that sort of news.

The mother of the child is a policewoman. She works out of her home parish and, therefore ,doesn't have any family members living in the community in which they both reside. He recently wanted to know that given the fact that she doesn't have any family members living in that parish, if it was ok with me for her to stay at his house until after a month or two to assist with the child. I told him it was not easy for me, but I could understand, to some extent, why he would would wanted to do so.

relationship on the line

He had not said anything to the child's mother about her staying over, as he wanted to ask me first. The mother of the child knows we are seeing each other. He lives in a two-bedroom house and assure me that nothing will happen between them because he doesn't want to put our relationship on the line.

Pastor, he has some great characteristics, altogether, a very nice guy and he is a very intelligent young man. He has an associate degree in electrical engineering. I am doing well for myself as well. I am educated and live on my own. We talk every day. If we could talk 24/7, we would, as he has a phone that allows him to talk to me whenever he wishes to do so.

We talk about marriage, as we are both Christians. He wants us to get married in no less than two to three years, as we want to know each other to a great extent. He is planning to buy a ticket so I can visit him before the year is out, or early next year.

Pastor, should I hang in there, as I really do love this guy, and I know he feels the same way about me? Or should I end the relationship before my heart gets broken from the unexpected/ expected? Did I make the right decision or should I just let go? I eagerly await your response.

S.M.

Dear S.M.,

Get out of this relationship. This man is not honest. He is lying to you. He will use you to get to the United States of America. I am going to tell you something. The policewoman and you will eventually have arguments over this man. He is a smooth talker. He has studied you and is telling you what he knows you would love to hear. Tell him to stay with his babymother. Old people say that you should not allow people's tears to quail on you. This policewoman has feelings. She is the mother of his child. Stay far from this man.

Pastor