Dear pastor

I am a regular reader of your column and I must tell you that you are doing a good job. I have a girlfriend and we love each other very much. She was married but is divorced. Her husband went to America and divorced her and got married again because he wanted to get his stay over there.

After he got married over there she and I became friends. Now he is calling and texting her every day and telling her that he wants her back. She told me she is confused because she still loves him and she also loves me.

He sends her money every week and she gives most of it to me. That is how I was able to make up some money and buy a car.

I am so worried because I love her and whenever I talk to her about marriage she says that she is not ready but if I want to get married I could find somebody and get married and she wouldn't cause any trouble. She said that if I find a next girl I should pay her back the money that I used to buy the car. She has her own apartment but she doesn't want me to come there and sleep. She comes to me on some weekends.

L.A., St Andrew

Dear L.A.,

This woman is still in love with her ex-husband and I doubt very much that she has told him about you. Her ex-husband probably believes that she is here saving herself for him. And he is looking forward to returning to Jamaica and marry her. She is using you as convenience. But she does not love you as much as she loves her ex-husband. You are her spear tyre; the tyre with all the beads is abroad. When her husband gets here, the spear tyre will be abandoned because there will be no need for it.

She doesn't necessarily want to see you with another woman. She doesn't want any competition. She doesn't want another woman to ride in the car that her money bought. That is why she told you that she is not against you getting married but you would have to pay back the money that she gave you to buy the car.

smarter than you

This woman is much smarter than you. She doesn't want you to sleep at her house because she doesn't want her neighbours to know that she is sleeping with you. But most importantly, she does not want her ex-husband to return to Jamaica suddenly and find a man in her house.

So, wise up, don't believe that there is a future between this woman and you. Any day now her real man could return and you will have to go into hiding.

If you are serious about getting married, talk to her about it and try to arrive at a compromise.

L.A., Pastor