I am having a problem and I need your help. I got married to a woman I met in the Church. The pastor is the one who introduced her to me because I wasn't from the area. She didn't have any children and she used to do hair. After getting to know her, I helped her to buy everything that she needed to carry out her trade. We were getting along very well so we got married.

I have one son who lives abroad with his mother. So both of us started out without children to bother us. I have been trying my best but she wants more and more and is always pressuring me. She met me with my own house and I am paying the mortgage alone. She doesn't help me. I found out that she sends her money to her mother to keep.

kept holding back

The big problem now is that I found out that she used to be a prostitute. The way I found out is that every time I want sex she says to me I should pay her for it. When she said it to me the first time, I laughed, I thought it was a joke. But when she kept holding back and not giving me sex, I ask her why and she said before she was a Christian she used to sell her body, and now that she is married she doesn't see why she should give her husband sex for free all the time.

I don't think this relationship can work so I am asking you for your advice.

E.S., St Catherine

Dear E.S.,

Your wife and you need professional help. If your marriage is to be saved both of you will have to be determined that you are going to do everything in your powers to make the relationship a success. However, it is not going to be easy judging from what you have said. When you met this woman you did your best to help her, and even after you got married you have continued to bear the financial responsibility of the home. That is commendable.

You have alleged that while you have been trying to support your home your wife has been sending her money to her mother. The message she is sending is that she doesn't trust you and she believes that the relationship may not last. Therefore she is securing the little money that she earns and her mother is the best person to keep it for her. Unfortunately, your wife is giving the impression that she is in this relationship for money and not because of love. No man wants his wife to demand money from him for sex. A joke is a joke, but your wife is not joking. She is giving the impression that she is still selling. But, as her husband you shouldn't buy.

Pastor