For just over 69 days the world watched as 33 Chilean miners endured living in a mine-shaft and were eventually rescued. For many it was - as my friend David would say - a heart-warming story of triumph over adversity.

The events tugged at the heartstrings of billions across the planet as it showed us what can be achieved if we can find ways to work together. Chile's President Sebastian Pinera said his country was "more united and stronger than ever and would never be the same again".

If those miners were trapped here in Jamaica today, I don't think anyone would have been able to make that kind of declaration. This country is so messed up, the day those miners got trapped Jamaica would be at odds with itself for an eternity. To begin with, once they got trapped, the unions' skins would 'catch afire'. They would get their delegates to rouse the other miners into bearing placards declaring "We Want Justice'; 'We Want Better Mines', 'The Mines Too Dark', 'Man No Fi Work So Close To One Anadda', and even more creative protestations.

By the time the first week had passed, the unions would be in meetings lobbying for better working conditions for the trapped miners and demanding that they get better salaries, if they got out.

By the time that was done, some political animal would find a way to put a political spin on the situation, something along the lines of if it was the PNP in office that would not have happened because the PNP would have ensured that there was no way the shaft would collapse. They would then go on to blame the Government for not making the operators of the mine more accountable, and that there needs to be an investigation into how this could manage to happen in Jamaica in these modern times.

political reason

Before long every talk show host - depending on his or her political persuasion - would mount massive campaigns from their respective soapboxes calling for someone to do something, and do something now. There would be an endless stream of guest experts who would spout about how they would have prevented this from happening and what the political reason was behind why it was 'allowed' to happen.

By this time, there would be stories developing underground. Because we are so bloody homophobic, before long someone among the trapped miners would have issues with another man 'rubbing up' against him. Shortly thereafter, fights would break out and day after day there would be reports of yet another miner dying under mysterious circumstances. As the remainder of the country waited with bated breath, politics and culture would lay claim to more and more trapped miners.

By the time the fourth or fifth miner is dead, the Government would start flying in consultants to consult with, as to the best course of action. And, by the time day 69 rolled around only about a third of the miners would still be alive. Of course, because it's day 69, none of them would want to be the first out, you'd hear things like "bad man nuh deal wid 69!" So they'd prefer to wait until day 70 before they were freed.

And you can forget about the miners coming up in an orderly fashion one by one. Three miners at a time would be stuffed into the little capsule, with two others hanging on from the bottom.

Of course, by the time it was all over, the prime minister would call for a commission of inquiry into the circumstances surrounding why the mineshaft collapsed and why many of the men died before they could be rescued. By then, Jamaica would be more divided than ever and the country would never be the same again.

It would be worse.

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