Dear Pastor,

I have a problem. I am living with my mother and my older sister. My sister is of a brown complexion because her father is a white man. My mother is of a dark complexion and my father is also black. My mother has never shown me love. She prefers my older sister because she is of a fair complexion. When I was younger my sister used to mock me and call me black girl and when I complained to my mother she would say, "yes, you are black and ugly." I grew up not liking my mother because she did not like me.

My father is a poor man and I am his only child. He does not have a trade or education but he does manual work. He tried his best to give me lunch money when I was going to school but my mother did not want me to tell anybody that he is my father. I am now working and I am trying to help my father build a house and my mother hates me for doing so.

My father told me that the reason why he left my mother was because he caught her having sex with his best friend. And her excuse was she did not have any money so she had sex with the man to get money.

Now that I am working, my mother wants me to pay the utilities while my sister is not contributing anything. My sister has two children for two different men and she gave them to their fathers. Pastor, she sells her body. She does not want to work. Every night she goes to New Kingston and the guys in the community know that she is a whore. If she is a whore I do not know what she is doing with her money because she is always broke.

leaving my mother

I am thinking of leaving my mother and go in to live with my father as soon as the house that he is building is finished. Do you think that is a good idea? Please give me your advice.

A. C.,

Dear A.C.,

Your mother was brain washed to believe that a person who is of a light complexion is pretty and smarter than one who is of a black complexion. That is why when you were growing up she joined with your sister to call you black and ugly. Perhaps your sister learned that from her. There are many people who continue to believe that light complexion people are to be in control of everything and that they are more intelligent than people of black complexion.

I am glad that you are doing well and that you are assisting your father. You are a wise young woman. I hope by now your mother has come to realise that a person's complexion does not mean much. This is a new dispensation and what is important is that a person gets a good education and good character. Without a good education, one is unlikely to get a good job. There are lots of pretty dunces around. And they have to rely on others for a piece of bread. Their complexions cannot help them.

You say that your sister sells her stuff in the New Kingston area but she is always broke. I understand that that type of business in that area has not been very good these days and the ladies cannot demand high prices. Some have to settle for a little fast food money etc. So if your sister is selling, not even her complexion would help her.

Forgive your mother. She does not know better. If you can help her, do so. But for your own peace of mind, I suggest that you go and live with your father as soon as the house is liveable.

Pastor