Braga dap brap brap brap! Mix-up in di building! Mi deh ya, mi deh ya, mi deh ya! Actually, mi-up eena Obama Lan a chill an a buil likkle bit. But mi a fahwud back a Jamrock fi kick off mi new show. In fact, a mad sitin dis Wednesday, October 6, downtown Kingston, fram 12:30 to 5 p.m. I Octane, Spice, Ku Ku Do, Blacker, an whole heap a artistes a go perform. Of course, everyting free! So mi waan see all a mi good-good Tambareen Fambily an mi propa-propa Mix Up crew dung deh. It a go mad!

Plaintain sort-out

Awright, mix-up time now. Mix-up big-up to di woman who a buy plantain downtown an a tell di higgla say shi tink shi waan di one dem weh green an big. Di higgla go ask har how shi plan fi cook dem. Di woman promptly replied, "Who tell yuh say mi a go cook dem?" Mad! Dats why mi haffi say big up to di woman dem weh a draw fi some big helleva plantain fi do di different tings dem! Raaaaeeeee!

sista man tief

Mix-up big-up to di woman weh a tek har sista bunna man, an a say nuttin no wrong if shi dweet cause is not har sista good-good man, an dat har sista ongle a sort out di man fi him money. Fambily, a dem tings ya mi nuh like enuh, cause unu know seh a damn wicked di man-tief sista wicked! It no matta how bad har sista a treat di bunna man, shi still shouldn't go tek him. A badmind shi a badmind har sista true shi see di money a run. She is nuttin but a badmind, man-tief pankoot! Any gyal a tek har sista man quietly a cayliss, crebeh-crebeh ole bruk weh fi dash weh!

Hairdressa drama

Mix-up big-up to di woman weh afta shi jus done sort out, shi go dung a har hairdressa go do har hair, mani an pedi. She claim say shi neva smell. Nasty gyal! yuh fi stap dem tings deh! A no so yuh people dem fram Jamaica raise yuh! A so wen unu go a Obama Lan unu feel like seh unu fi figet all a di cleanliness weh unu learn a Jamaica. Fram anybody sort out, dem fi bade before dem touch di road fi any reason!

All if yuh jus a walk cross di road fi say something to yuh naybour, yuh fi bade fus before unu go talk to people. Some a unu too damn nasty man! Unu can imagine how di nail tech de deh a gi har di pedicure an di sort-out smell jus a bax har inna har face so?! Puppa Jeeezas! Nooooo sah! Mek some people nasty so!

liquid soap bade

Finally, mi a run back a mix-up big-up to di bredda weh deh a di bunna girl yaad a bade an a look fi liquid soap an end up a bade wid di girl 'VAGISIL'! Mi hear seh him hear seh mi rinse it an now him a flip up an a flop up an a talk up bare tings. Well hear mi now, Missa Man, a no my fault mek yuh need exposure! A no me mek yuh a bade wid feminine products weh fi use dung deh so! Go see how wen yuh did done bade an gawn pon di road how yuh did feel noice wid yuh good-good Vagisil smell. A weak! Missa Man, hear mi, yuh see anyting weh start wid 'vagi' ... NO BADE WID IT!! A wa do some bwoy who ongle know bout carbolic soap! Cho!

Awright, mi a cut ya now. See unu Wednesday downtown fi di launch a mi new show. Bless up.

Link Ragashanti, the King of mix-up at mixuprage@gmail.com or PO Box 5866, Liguanea PO, Kingston 6.