Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old female and I read your column every week and listen to your show. I learn a lot from both the show and your column. Please keep up your good work.

When I was 17 I had my first sexual experience. The man was a year older than I. I went with my cousins to a party and they teamed up with their boyfriends during the party and they gave me this guy. During the party, they went in different directions and I was left alone with this guy. We fooled around by kissing and petting and he showed me a condom and asked me for sex and I said yes. I bleed so much that I did not believe that the bleeding would stop.

The next day my cousins asked me what happened and I told them nothing and they were giggling. They told me they did not believe that I was talking the truth because they saw something. Then they told me that I should not hide what happened because they are sexually active and it must happen to me one day.

This guy and I did not talk to each other much for a long time. But then he started coming around and telling me that he loves me and that he took my virginity so I cannot have another man in my life. He is sending me back to school and I am very grateful. Lots of girl love him but he says that he loves me and I should not watch that. His parents love me very much. Sometimes I do not feel that I love him. But I am trying my best to love him. I will be looking out for your answer.

M., London, England

Dear M.,

Perhaps this guy means you well. Therefore you should try to work with him. Do your best at school and keep out of trouble. Love is something that grows but it is not something that can be forced upon anyone. Time will tell if you love this man.

Pastor