June 15, 2010
Star Tell Me Pastor


 

 

'Good girls','bad boys' theory

Dear Pastor,

Have you ever heard of the saying, 'opposites attract'? Well here is my input. I consider myself a good girl and I've always been attracted to 'bad boys'.

With bad boys lurking everywhere, their reputations preceding them, it's a wonder that women find them attractive at all, but we do, for various reasons. Some women, for example, seek a man who reminds them most of their childhood father figure. If that male was negative, the woman is more likely to be attracted to negative men.

Sometimes, women have very bad role models for male relationships and, if a girl grows up having dissatisfying and problematic relationships with men, those are the kinds of men she's going to seek out as an adult.

Other women suffer from low self-esteem and do not feel worthwhile, unless they have a man in their life. Any man, good or bad, will do. Some women feel they need a man to prove to the world that they're worth something. If they do not have a boyfriend, then they don't count. Bad men sense these women and know they will put up with their bad behaviour.

Still other women tend to fall into the superwoman trap, mistakenly minimising the badness of the man's behaviour and believe he can be changed or redeemed by their good love.

natural instincts

A 'good girl' is a woman who has followed the rules all her life. She's been taught to go along with the status quo of what everyone else thinks she should do, be and want. These women have not had opportunities to be who they are, so they are attract to men who rebel against rules, and they live vicariously through them. Women who have spent their entire lives pleasing others are more likely to be attracted to bad guys. Being a good girl means you've had to forego a lot of your natural instincts, all in the interest of being good. Therefore, with a bad boy, you can get the pleasure and excitement with someone who hasn't foregone his instincts, all the while maintaining your image of being good. Don't think for a minute that bad boys don't recognise the benefits of being bad.

Women want the bad guys for the excitement, the thrill and the risk factor of getting involved. It's different, and some women just want a challenge. Whatever the attraction between good girls and the bad boys, one rule rings true ultimately: bad guys can only produce bad relationships. Women who prefer bad boys are only setting themselves up to be hurt.

A bad boy is a man who doesn't think through the ramifications of his actions. He does things because they're fun and daring, and he can get away with it. The relationship with the bad boy will be something that's going to disappoint the woman in the long run because these men will not be attentive to her needs.

Be blessed. I love your show. I can't wake up in time to go to work, because I'm up listening to my bad boy, Dear Pastor.

G. H.

Dear G.H.,

You have written a good letter. There are many women who have become involved with bad boys. They do so to experience the thrill and the excitement. Bad boys often get involved in drugs, illicit sex and alcohol. These women like the hype, and even the ugly-looking tattoos impress them. Some bad boys love the big earrings and other cosmetic jewellery. Everybody knows that these men are bad boys, except the naïve girls, who feel they are in love and are well protected.

Pastor

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