I am a 15-year-old girl who enjoy reading your column in the Star. I am seeking your fatherly advice with a problem I have.

My father is insecure and hard-headed and does not know what is best for me. He searches my phone and room and questions me about my sexual status. I am proud to say I am still a virgin and do extremely well in school. My father's behaviour infuriates me and I won't take it much longer.

L.N., St James, Jamaica

Dear L.N.,

A father can talk to his daughter about intimate matters but he should understand that even as a father, there are boundaries. Your father, evidently, does not understand that he should not question you about your sexual status. Where a mother can ask a daughter such a question and not embarrass her, a father should know that unless his daughter volunteers the information, to question her along that line wil deeply embarrass her and cause her to wonder about his motives.

I, therefore, understand why you resent your father's behaviour and why you are planning to do something that may shock him. I hope you are not planning to run away. You have to forgive your father. He thinks he is protecting you, but he is not. He is being very silly. Suppose you were sexually active and your father were to ask you and you said "no", would that have changed anything? And suppose you had said "yes", would he kill you for having sex?

Yes, some men have beaten their teenage girls for having sex and have demanded they be told who their lovers are. But that knowledge did not stop the girls from having sex or planning to meet the guys after school. Indeed, some girls, instead of going to school, simply skip classes and meet the guys during school hours.

So, the best way for a father and daughter to have a good relationship is for him to learn how to communicate with her from she is a young child; teach her about family life and sex, and how to socialise with boys without allowing them to toy with her body.

It is healthy for a teenage girl to have male friends. But unfortunately, some men feel that whenever their daughters have male friends they are having sex and as a result, verbally and sometimes physically abuse their daughters. The daughters usually react by hating them.

It won't be long before you will be on your own, so, I beg you, don't overreact to your father's silliness. He doesn't know better. And, whenever he searches your phone and asks you inappropriate questions, play it cool because you know he means well but has the wrong approach.

Pastor