Dear Pastor

You have been an inspirational help to many. I hope I can find comfort and peace in the advice you will give me. I am a teacher at a prominent high school and have been in an intimate relationship with a colleague. During our relationship, I discovered that he was also involved with other female members of staff. The worst thing is that five of these women and I were close friends. Anyway, it seems as if these relationships had ended, or so I thought. I continued my relationship with this man.

I have seen him very close with another teacher lately. They come to work together and meet at certain points. When I ask if they were in a relationship he would deny it. On many occasions he would slip up and when confronted he would deny it. The whispers have become painful at work and I am feeling very uncomfortable. On two occasions the female teacher has said "that man doesn't know how to cheat", and so I know they are in a relationship.

I am not talking to either of them now, but I feel so hurt and depressed. How can I feel relaxed at work? How can I ignore them both? What do I say to the woman who sees me and just starts to 'show off', and wears that 'I have him smile'? This man is the staff bull. Is this an abnormal behaviour where he feels great having sex with his co-workers and then sit back and tick them off? Right now I feel so ashamed of myself. Sometimes I feel like not going to work. My all is not in my job as I just want to head back home away from both of them.

I am awaiting your fatherly advice.

Victim, Clarendon, Jamaica

Dear Victim,

Is this man really a 'staff bull' as you put it or is he just popular with the female staff? How does another teacher wear the 'I have him smile'? Are you sure you are not accusing this man and the other teachers for carrying on affairs among themselves at the school? Are you sure you are not jealous? I am only asking the questions. Please do not throw stones at me. How do you know this man and this particular teacher are meeting at certain points?

do your work well

Whatever might be happening in your life and the lives of the other female teachers and the male teacher, you have to make sure you are able to do your work at the school. The children should not suffer because you are having personal problems. You mentioned sometimes you feel like not going to work. If that is the case, you need to resign your position and seek work in another institution.

You claim your colleagues are whispering. Why then can't they approach this man and tell him that he ought to behave himself? If his behavior is extremely bad, they should even talk to members of staff who command respect, to meet with him and counsel him.

In the meantime, tell this man that because of his behaviour and the rumours going around, you think both of you should cool it. This would give you an opportunity to judge whether or not he loves you and wants to be with you only.

Pastor