Dear Pastor,

I would like to compliment you on the good job you are doing. It is my first time writing to you. I would like to get your input regarding my situation.

I am a 22-year-old female, nice looking, and I have a son for my boyfriend of eight years. I live between my mother's house and my son's father's mother's house. My son lives with his father's mother. My son's father and I have been separated for over a year. He is a good person and he takes care of our son in every way. He loves our son very much. He has been living in the United States of America for more than four years now. We broke up because he found out I have another man. He was abroad at the time and already married. He has moved on with his life and I decided to move on with mine.

not foreign-minded

The other guy I was talking to also migrated to the United States of America. He is married and his wife is temporarily living abroad. She is a Jamaican. He visits her every now and then. He is not foreign-minded, so he won't stay with her until she is ready to come home. They have been together for over 10 years and recently got married. His wife is two years older than me and he is five years older than me. We have been together for the past nine months.

When we first started the relationship, it was not serious and he was not married. However, for the past few months everything has changed. The problem is I have fallen in love with him and I know that he loves me too. This man is everything a woman would want. He is a good influence, but not a Christian. He goes to church and strongly believes in the Word of the Lord and he knows how to love a woman. He knows how to satisfy a woman in every possible way.

same community

We do everything together and we live in nearby communities. I visit him two to three times weekly and we speak on the phone every night and day. Most people do not know that we are together, only our close friends and I plan on keeping it that way to protect his marriage. He attends college and he also works for a living. He takes care of me in every way possible. I know he loves his wife and would never leave her. Our families, including his wife's family and my child's father's family, all live in the same community. They are all very close and know each other, but they don't know that we are together.

I don't think I have loved anyone the way I love this guy. I know I can't have him. But I hope and pray I find someone like him for myself some day when I decide to give him up. He is the only man in my life. He is currently abroad spending some time with his wife and I miss him so much that I told him I would be good until he returns. Just pray for me and continue your good work.

S.E., Jamaica

Dear S.E.,

I understand your dilemma. But, I can't encourage you to continue with this relationship. True, you met your child's father before he was married and he let you down by marrying another woman. This other guy was single when both of you decided to go together, but he had a girlfriend for many years whom he finally married. Both of you were aware of each other's situation and that this could only be a relationship with benefits - you getting money and sexual gratification from him and his getting sexual gratification in return. Both of you have created a little haven for yourselves but if you continue in the relationship, everyone will soon find out and you will be embarrassed.

few close friends

You claim that your relatives don't know about the relationship you are having with this man. Only a few close friends know what is going on. But, my dear, that is what you think. The moment one friend knows it is likely that a friend of that friend will hear until it gets to the man's wife.

So, although he is good at lovemaking and gives you anything that you want, you should walk away from this relationship. You may have to go into your bathroom and close the door and turn the shower on and bawl so that nobody will hear you. Or, you may have to put on the radio loud and weep and bawl over him because you are going to suffer a great loss. But, you will get over him in time. I am sure you have heard old time people say, "What sweet nanny goat a guh run him belly." So, before this relationship runs your belly, don't go further.

Pastor